Sheesh!

Quick update: Trevor is out of the hospital now. He only spent two weeks on the ventilator and only three weeks in the hospital total, I believe, which is far less than we expected and we're very happy about that. He's pretty weak still and frustrated with that, but he's going to be just fine.

The rats have been named! The lilac is Marlow and the Siamese is Prufrock. We're continuing the literary character last name theme.

Spinning My Wheels

So much has happened since Jinx died I don't really know where to begin. I guess that was nearly a month ago now. I guess I'll just try to go down the list and flesh things out:

Rats
We got two new baby boy rats and they're both adorable. They're about eight or nine weeks old now (we got them when they were about seven weeks old) and still pretty small, but growing every day. They don't have names yet (see below) but one's a standard coat, dumbo eared, red-eyed, Russian Blue-point Siamese, and the other one is a Rex coat, dumbo-eared, black-eyed Lilac. Both are fairly rare colors and both are going to be beautiful when they're older. Right now they're just cute.

Unfortunately, just after we got them we noticed that Yo-Yo and Vesper both had a respiratory infection, and gave it to the new babies. I took them all in right away and they got antibiotics, etc, and should be fine now. They're currently at Wren's (see below) and have a follow-up appointment tomorrow afternoon.

Health
Meanwhile, Trevor went on a four-day field trip to Longview right before I went on a two-day trip to Portland to see friends and pick up the rats. He got back and was pretty sick, but doing well enough that I was fine with leaving him at home for two nights. He called me Saturday night to tell me that his doctor had diagnosed him with H1N1 (Swine Flu). He was told to stay home and rest, treat symptoms, and go to the hospital if he had trouble breathing or suddenly got better and then worse.

We both stayed home all week because I was contagious (I'd already given it to Wren without having symptoms and without her being around Trevor directly) and he ended up having a fever of around 103 degrees before his mother finally took him to the hospital on Thursday morning. I had stayed at Wren's the night before and sent him to his mom's house because I was beginning to show symptoms and couldn't take care of him while taking care of myself. He was too weak to do much more than sleep and hobble to the bathroom or from the couch to the bed, etc.

I saw him at the hospital on Thursday and he was doing okay, but then that night they put him into the ICU and have kept him unconscious ever since. What happened was that he got very severe pneumonia as a complication of the virus (opportunistic bacteria had moved into his compromised lungs). For the first day they had him unconscious, paralyzed, and on the ventilator with 100% oxygen. Now they've been able to take the oxygen down to around 70% last time I heard, have taken him off the paralytic, and have been able to move him a bit (the first day his vitals crashed when they tried to move him).

I don't really know how long they'll be keeping him unconscious or on the ventilator (or whether he'll have to be unconscious as long as he's on the ventilator or if he'll eventually get used to it and stop fighting it when he's awake). It's been a little over five days now since they put him under. I saw him the other day, and of course he looked absolutely terrible. Three IVs (a central line to his heart and one in each arm) along with the ventilator, meds, glucose/vitamins, and all sorts of monitors. They took out his lip ring, which for some reason really saddened me. Like the last sign of his personality being stripped away after his clothes and personality. We'll probably have to get it re-pierced because I think he'll want to, but his mom said she'd pay for that if he does. It's not a big deal right now. He's also going to lose a ton of weight, so we'll have to find a way to put some healthy weight back on him and build up some muscle tone slowly. Poor guy. At least he'll be svelt for the wedding like he wanted and we can buy him new clothes once he evens out.

I've been told that he'll probably be in the hospital for 4-6 weeks, all told. There will be a lot of arrangements to work out with his school and his teachers, and apperwork to sign to get financial assistance from the hospital (his bills will be around $150,000 but because of his financial situation he may qualify for a 100% waiver, which would be a miracle).

Luckily I have his e-mail info and password, and all of the information he needs for grad school apps and access to them. That means I can do a lot for him while he's out and that will also help keep me busy in a helpful way rather than escaping.

My mom is staying for the week to help get me used to being at home again (I was at Wren's Wednesday night through Sunday night because I didn't want to go home until I had to work. I even brought the rats with me.). She's been buying groceries and household supplies and such for me as well as meals out, and has been doing a lot of chores (cleaning, laundry, etc) around the house so that I can relax in the evening. It's been helpful and comforting, and of course just having her there makes it a bit easier. It'll be strange when she's gone and I'll have to be in the apartment during the work week and may be alone for at least a few of the evenings each week.

I'm keeping a journal for Trevor of everything that's happening while he's unconscious. I hope that it will help him deal with the strangeness of losing a few weeks of his life like that. But mostly it's for me right now, as it gives me a way to focus my thoughts about what's going on and it also makes me feel as if I'm talking to him in some form. The distance between consciousness and unconsciousness seems wider than that between London and Washington, and I've never felt more separated from him than I do now. Hopefully they'll wake him up soon. Even if he's still on the ventilator and can't talk yet, I'll be able to talk at him and know he can hear me and listen and respond in some way.

Grad School
I missed the GRE Subject Test. I still feel awful and embarrassed about it. I somehow misjudged when I needed to leave the house because I had had trouble sleeping all week. So that was an automatic $130 loss. And then it was past the registration deadline for November (the last test date I can take to get it in on time for my application deadlines). So the deal is, I have to show up at UPS next Saturday morning and see if they have space and materials for me to take the test. If they do, I pay a new $130 fee PLUS a $50 standby fee (highway robbery!) and I can take it. I don't think I'll be studying much. I'll just go and take it, and I'm going to try to find a way to only send the scores to NYU and U of Michigan at first (the only of my schools that require it). Worst case scenario: I don't get in to take the test and I can't apply to NYU or Michigan. I don't care about those schools much except that Trevor wouldn't be able to apply to Michigan, which is one of his favorites. But I guess I'll just have to take it as it comes.

NaNoWriMo starts on Sunday. I can't participate this year because of grad school applications, but Wren's going to, so I'm going to hang out with her for a lot of the time she's working on her NaNo project but instead I'll be working on graduate school applications, personal statements, ordering transcripts, and editing my writing sample. I think that's a good idea that will really motivate me to make progress in November so we'll be in good shape during those crucial two weeks of December when most of the applications during which most of the applications will need to be finished up. Plus it'll keep me busy while Trevor's in the hospital, conscious or not.


Whew! At least in spite of everything I feel about as in control and as happy as I can considering the circumstances. Having the normal work routine helps, as does having a huge and wonderful support group. I know that we'll get through this, though it'll take time.

In Memoriam

Jinx ("Hijinx")

January 25, 2008 - October 1, 2009

I wish that I could say that I was surprised to see you go, sweetie. A year and eight months seems too short a life for such a wonderful rat. In a way we were both glad that you were hurt in the end, because it gave us so much time with you. We got to see how much you loved us, and depended on us for comfort, and how sweet you were toward the end. We hope that what hurt you was a sign of something that we could do nothing about, rather than the cause of your demise. We hope that you didn't suffer too much, and that when you did we were able to help in some way. We hope we're not just imagining that it looked like your brother and sister were sleeping beside you when you went, and I think you would've been glad to know that even though sometimes they bullied you, how upset they were was how I knew you were gone. If there was something we could've done, then we're both profoundly sorry. It's hard to imagine for other people, I'm sure, that we could love something so small and so short-lived so much. We hope that if Rat Heaven exists, you're in your cube eating yogies and strawberry-flavored whipped yogurt. If not, we at least hope that your time here was happy and comfortable. I'm sure your little rat heart, which was meek and affectionate but which was never burdened by the thought that every living thing must die, could never have fathomed how much we miss you.

Not a Perfect Simile

In an e-mail to Boss 1 today, I wrote:

I'm going to go home and focus on planning for Japan rather than freaking out about grad school applications. It's like being Indiana Jones and taking the Leap of Faith in The Last Crusade and being like "Ohgod ohgod I'm gonna die what if I'm not faithful enough ...Yay it's a bridge! I'm not dead! Oh wait it's super skinny must use these little pebbles so I don't die getting to the little cave where that knight of the round table is because I need to find the Holy Grail and then make it all fizzy on Sean Connery's belly. No okay okay just going to focus on getting across the stupid bridge!"

I'd like to think of the Holy Grail as finishing the grad school application process or maybe getting accepted by good grad schools and choosing one, but I guess in this scenario those things are represented by Sean Connery not dying.

Either way I'm awesome.

It's Official!

After a spontaneous decision to have dinner at The Melting Pot, we finally have our list of schools (in no particular order):

University of Michigan
University of Oregon
Pennsylvania State University
University of Chicago (M only)
Northwestern University
University of Illinois - Chicago (M only)
The Art Institute of Chicago (T only)
Columbia University
New York University
City University of New York (T Brooklyn College campus)
The New School (T only)

Now, to prepare materials for our professors so they can write recommendations! @.@

Predictably

In a complete 180 from yesterday, I feel great today! I've done a 30-min yoga routine every evening for three days and my goal is to continue that tonight and tomorrow night and then do five days next week as well. I feel more relaxed and more flexible. I got a really good night's sleep last night so I feel rested and energetic. And to cap it, Trevor told me this morning that he's found a wonderful program at the Art Institute of Chicago that is now high on his list. It's very flexible and interdisciplinary and the professor he'll have for his final two quarters did his undergrad at Evergreen and his MFA at the Art Institute. The school also gives you four years to complete the two-year degree so you can take time off to travel, write, or do internships, or you can choose to do some quarters part-time, all without penalty. I'm very excited for him!

Of course my excitement isn't entirely altruistic. It's very important to me that he have some good program options in Chicago since there are three schools I'm interested in there, and the University of Chicago is probably at the top of my list right now. Before this morning, the only program that we knew about that was suitable for him in Chicago was at Northwestern, but it's designed for people with full-time jobs and so the courses are at night, which would put a strain on our relationship. Plus the more programs he applies to in that area, the more chances we have of being able to end up there. The idea of living in Chicago is very appealing to me right now. It's a cultural hub and a big city without the overwhelming grandness of New York.

So I know that we're a long way off from knowing where we're going to be, and there are no guarantees, but being able to feel good about our options can go a long way.

I Wish

I wish that I didn't have a mood disorder so that I wouldn't have had to take a medication that worked well but that I wish wasn't dangerous to my health so that I wish I wouldn't have had to change medications so that I wish I wasn't half emotionally unstable and half fuzzy-headed so that I wish I could focus and not panic when it comes to applying to graduate schools which wouldn't be so bad except I wish that I hadn't been having nightmares and insomnia every night since I stopped taking my previous medication and I wish that my friends didn't live at least 40 minutes away and I wish that I had more time to see them and to relax and to work on something that isn't related to preparations for graduate school and I wish I could be myself again so that I could focus on the fact that all of this means that I have a great job, a bright future, reliable and affordable access to health care, and family and friends that I love spending time with.

I wish it were next May.

Just Another Morning at the Law Firm

Early morning e-mail exchange between me and Boss 2:

Me: Guess what I'm doing right now. I'm eating toast! [I just brought a toaster to the office last week.]
Boss 2: Fucking toasteater.
Me: I will not tolerate your unfounded and despicable prejudice against my toasteating ways!
Boss 2: You know, I sometimes mean "fucking" in a positive way. As in "Fucking Grandma." I can picture the toasteating smile on your face. Sam said that District 9 was clearly set up for a sequel. I say no. Thoughts?
Me: Oh sure, try to cover your hateful words with a simple explanation. And yes, the toasteating smile is glorious. And full of butter and crumbs. District 9 was so not set up for a sequel. And I would not respect them if it were. Americans don't understand that sometimes movies are just open-ended. And I like it that way! In other words, Sam is full of shit.

Of Crime and Time

Conversation on gmail chat with boss regarding a current case:

Boss 1: Hey.
Me: Hello.
Boss 1: Start researching novels with time machines in them.
Me: Okay. Why?
Boss 1: We have to prove that you CAN change the past for Mr. [Client]'s case. The prosecutor says you can't.
Me: Haha!
Boss 1: This is no laughing matter.
Me: Well, [H. G.] Wells would say that simply by attempting to change the past you make it impossible to do so.
Boss 1: We need to include Wells in our appendix, of course.
Me: Naturally.

Gotta Love Gmail

In the year that I've had Gmail, I haven't seen this background in my "Tree" theme (one that changes with the weather in your city) before:



Lightning! Man, I wish my Gmail always looked like this! Too bad it was only around for this morning and was gone as soon as the lightning was. Now it's back to the rainy day background I had for most of last Fall.

You Can't Write This Stuff

I'm watching an episode of Ghost Hunters where they go to an insane asylum. Steve and Tango, while investigating a ward, had the most incredible exchange of dialog. All of it was delivered with the kind of earnestness that only Steve and Tango can achieve:

Steve: This is a mentally challenged ward. A guy ate his own bed.
Tango: What?
Steve: He ate his bed. His whole bed! Springs, the whole thing.
Tango: Was he French?
Steve: Mattress—What does that have to do with eating a bed?
Tango: A lot.
Steve: French people eat furniture?
Tango: No, there was a famous French guy who ate bicycles for a living.
Steve: He ate bicycles?
Tango: Yeah, he loved the oily parts the best.

I'm Okay

I can be pretty melodramatic. Still feel crappy, but doing okay. Going to the braindoc tomorrow so we'll see what new developments there are after the appointment.

Something's Gotta Give

Overwhelmed by everything, offended by everything, upset by everything; inspired by nothing, motivated by nothing, distracted by nothing; always tired, always cold, always uncomfortable.

This isn't depression. I'm not unhappy. In fact, when I can muster the energy to be excited I'm more than content. This is insidious lethargy. All my reactions are wrong, when I react at all. All I want is more sleep, more comfort food, more time away. Can't focus, can't remember. It takes effort to create a facial expression, a tone of voice.

Last night I dreamt that I was falling behind in classes because I couldn't remember the things I'd studied, couldn't concentrate on what we were learning. It was indescribably terrifying.

I need a different medication.

The Time Traveler's Wife

I'm still just not sure about Eric Bana as Henry DeTamble. But of course I'm still going to see the movie, so I guess I'll find out on August 14!

Wedding Version 1.1

I've tried on the gown, it's perfect, and we're going forward and having the dressmaker do a new-and-improved version of that prototype. I've already put down the first half (as required to ensure they don't work hard for nothing), so it's official! I am going to have a beautiful custom-made gown that cost an arm and a leg. Wow!

Date: Saturday, April 10, 2010
Church: St. John's Episcopal Church in Olympia
Reception venue: The Heritage Room (what I was formerly calling Water Street Cafe)
Colors: Black, white, and silver
Guest estimate: 100
Honeymoon: The Lodge at Koele on Lana'i
Dress: Custom-made gown from Sylphide Designs
Flowers: Black and white miniature calla lilies

Done Moping (For Now)

After much discussion and checking of schedules, our new tentative date is April 10, just two weeks after our original date and a week after Easter. It seems to be fine with the church, though I'm waiting for confirmation so I can book it with their wedding coordinator. I feel much better now. My sister has that Wednesday off so she can easily come out for three days, my mom has a day off the Friday before, so she could come out for a whole week, and my dad says he can take at least one, if not two class days off without too much trouble, so he can be there at least as long as my sister can. I think that would work out rather nicely.

In other wedding news, the dress woman called me back, and today I'm going to make an appointment for Wren and me to go over and look at the dress, maybe try it on if it's not way too big. The quote the woman gave me was over $1000, which has overwhelmed me, but I guess wedding dresses are unreasonably expensive by nature, and this one is a unique design that would be custom-made for me. We'll see if I end up giving in once I try it on and it looks amazing.

Wedding Hiccup #1

We can't get married during Lent if we want to get married in a church. We really want to get married at St. John's. Therefore, we can't get married in March. Which means that we either have to get married in January and not have a honeymoon until March, or get married in May after Susannah's graduation. I hate May. I hate summer. I don't want to wait a year to get married. I don't want to have a generic late Spring/early Summer wedding. I don't want to get married that close to when we leave for graduate school. But if we try for this Fall or Winter we won't have enough time to plan, and we'll be stressed out by grad school applications, and we'll have to take a honeymoon over Christmas break.

You'd think a window of over a year would provide enough time to find one day that works for everyone. Apparently we're going to have to settle for one day that works for everyone except the bride.

Wedding Version 1.0

So I thought it would be fun to track how the wedding plans change between now and the actual day. They say you never end up with the wedding you plan starting out. Here's how things stand two days after the proposal:

Date: Saturday, March 27, 2010
Church: St. John's Episcopal Church in Olympia
Reception venue: Water Street Cafe or the Center for the Performing Arts
Colors: Black, white, and silver
Guest estimate: 100-150
Honeymoon: Lanai, Vancouver, or Kalaloch

I'll try to update this every time there's a major development or change to the plan. Should be a fun experiment!

The One Ring

Please ignore my weirdly-shaped and stubby fingers and focus on the pretty. Trevor informs me that my fingers are so small that the jeweler had to specially alter one of her existing designs so that the peridot gems would be closer together. So no one else has a ring like this.

Wow!

I'm engaged! The proposal took me by a surprise, was very simple, very adorable, and very Trevor. Love the ring: silver and peridot. Pics to come (hopefully) soon. I'll probably post more about it when I've had some time to process. All I've done since I said yes is make phone calls so far.

My Day Thus Far

This is an interpretation, often with what people meant rather than what they actually said.

Me: "Hello there, trial court clerk. Can we have copies of some exhibits?"
TCC: "No problem! I'll get them scanned and send them--Oh. Wait. I guess the trial attorney designated them all, so we sent them over to the Court of Appeals."
Me: "All of them?"
TCC: "Yup."
Me: "Okay... Um, when did they get sent over?"
TCC: "January."
Me: "But we weren't even appointed until Feb--Nevermind. Thank you. I'll call the Court."

*I freak out with Boss for a few mins and Boss agrees to take charge*

Boss: "Hello, case manager. It appears you have our exhibits. Can we have copies?"
CM: "I don't have time to make copies."
Boss: "But we were hoping to file our brief by Friday..."
CM: "Why didn't you order the exhibits earlier?"
Boss: "Because your new system is stupid and we never had any problems with getting exhibits until you changed everything for no reason."
CM: "All right. Well, call the trial court clerk and have him fax us a request so we can send the exhibits back to the trial court, and then he can make copies for you."
Boss: "...Can't I just ask you to send the exhibits back right now?"
CM: "No, it has to be all official and stuff."
Boss: "Okay. Great. Thanks so much for your help. *hangs up phone and turns to me* "We're asking for a thirty-day extension on the brief."
Me: "I figured. Wax poetic in the motion about injustice and bureaucracy?"
Boss: "Yup."
Me: "Excellent."

Ugh

A horribly stressful period is even more difficult when you have nothing much to look forward to but more of the same.

Mother's Day

There are so many people who won't have mothers in the way that I have a mother. People whose mothers have died, who can't be with them for one reason or another, or, worst of all, who are there but don't seem to care about them.

My life has been blessed with two parents who love me, and even better, who like me. They want to be around me. They're interested in who I am and want to be a part of my life.

I cannot imagine a better mother than mine. She is a strong career woman, but still had time for us. My father took many of the traditional parenting roles, but my mother has still always been nurturing and loving.

I've grown up and moved away and she still calls, still sends care packages, still looks forward to seeing me. And because I love her and like her and respect her I miss her and look forward to talking to her and seeing her. She's one of my closest friends, and I know very few people who can say that about either of their parents.

Best of all, my mother has always tried to be there for children who don't have mothers in their lives for one reason or another. My friends always found refuge at our house. My roommates in college were always sent gifts and care packages when something was going wrong in their lives and they didn't have mother-figures who could or would be there for them. Even now, when college has been through for a year, she still asks after them and sends them gifts.

I am the kind of person who hates gender distinctions. I don't think there should be a Mother's Day or a Father's Day, but rather, simply a Parent's Day, where we celebrate all parents, and all that they do for their (and sometimes others') children.

Mom, you are the best parent and friend I could hope for (though you may have to share that title with dad). Happy Mother's Day.

Is It July Yet?

I can hardly stand it!

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince Trailer 4A (final trailer)

Trevor: "Wow, that looks like it would be a badass movie even if it weren't Harry Potter!"

Me: "SQUEEEEEEE!"

Good Friday

There is one song that I always associate with Good Friday, and it's no wonder that many other people do, too. It's called "Were You There," and the lyrics vary a lot because it's a Negro Spiritual and has been resung many times over generations. I think it's profoundly sad and beautiful when done right: the perfect tone for this day.

I found a wonderful recording of it. You can ignore the video, but it really is worth listening to the song. It took me a long time to find a recording that sounded the way I remembered hearing it. Absolutely beautiful:

Guimiliau
Uploaded by daniela-lucie

My favorite arrangement of the lyrics is as follows:

Were You There

Were you there when they crucified my Lord?
Were you there when they crucified my Lord?
Oh! Sometimes it causes me to tremble,
Tremble
Tremble
Were you there when they crucified my Lord?

Were you there when they nailed him to the Tree?
Were you there when they nailed him to the Tree?
Oh! Sometimes it causes me to tremble,
Tremble
Tremble
Were you there when they nailed him to the Tree?

Were you there when they pierced Him in the side?
Were you there when they pierced Him in the side?
Oh! Sometimes it causes me to tremble,
Tremble
Tremble
Were you there when they pierced Him in the side?

Were you there when the Sun refused to shine?
Were you there when the Sun refused to shine?
Oh! Sometimes it causes me to tremble,
Tremble
Tremble
Were you there when the Sun refused to shine?

Were you there when they laid him in the tomb?
Were you there when they laid him in the tomb?
Oh! Sometimes it causes me to tremble,
Tremble
Tremble
Were you there when they laid him in the tomb?

Just Another Day at the Office

Wren is coming to visit the office tomorrow. Boss 2 is a bit excited. The following is from an e-mail she sent this morning:

"I'm thinking that when Wren comes, I will act like a normal person so she can question your sanity. I'll speak proper English and act horrified by sex offenders. Tee hee hee."

Clearly, hijinks will ensue. Right now I'm actually cleaning the office for the first time since I started working here. The dust was becoming a little too noticable and other things just needed to be organized. Woo!

The Times They Are A-Changin'

I miss being on the medication that didn't work. Lithium has really helped my mind, but it hasn't really helped my body image. When I was on Citalopram, I was back to my high school weight of 105-100. Now, after a year on Lithium, I'm seriously in danger of reaching 130 if I'm not careful. And it shows. I know I'm not overweight or anything, but I just don't feel healthy. My clothes don't fit right, and I definitely have a belly. In other words, I'm not wearing the weight well. I've been working out via Wii Fit at least three times a week, but I'm not really seeing any results. Time to bump up the work out regiment. I'm trying to watch what I eat more too, but it's very frustrating since I've always had a really high metabolism and I feel as if I'm gaining this weight through no fault of my own because of the meds. Oh well. Maybe all of this will force me to be more active and eat better even though I've never really needed to. I just wish I could get my jeans to fit properly again.

In other news, I had a lovely afternoon and evening in Tacoma yesterday with some friends that used to work with Wren at Security. I'm sort of regretting not becoming closer to all of them when I had the chance. It's strange to miss people I've only spent a significant amount of time with in person maybe half a dozen times, yet I do. The play we saw was wonderful and affected me the way good theater always does, which is to say that it made me very contemplative and I'm having trouble shaking that. I miss college, I miss my friends, and I'm afraid of the fact that so many more changes are soon to come. Oh well. I guess I'll deal with them when they happen. What else can I do?

I Get By With a Little Help from My Friends

A reading from the Book of Wren:

When I walk in the shadow of the Maddo of Oly

I shall fear no hobo: for she is with me.

Your coffee and your sandwiches, they comfort me.

You prepare an afternoon before me in the presence of your bosses

You offer my tea more sugar; my cup runneth over.



One part blasphemous, one part genius, and 100% awesome.

Eyes on the Future, Heart in My Throat

I just e-mailed the three professors I would like letters of recommendations from. I have no idea what I'm going to do if one of them says no. There's only one I'm worried about. I'm praying she'll be merciful because her recommendation would be invaluable and I have no back-up.

Yikes.

Also, why are the GRE subject tests only offered three times a year? I don't get their system. And I don't like how it makes me panic.

Yes!

Yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes!

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (New Trailer)

It needs to be July like right now.

Ash Wednesday

Remember, O Man, that thou art dust, and to dust thou shalt return.


Ash Wednesday

by T. S. Eliot

[excerpt: part V of VI]

V

If the lost word is lost, if the spent word is spent
If the unheard, unspoken
Word is unspoken, unheard;
Still is the unspoken word, the Word unheard,
The Word without a word, the Word within
The world and for the world;
And the light shone in darkness and
Against the Word the unstilled world still whirled
About the centre of the silent Word.

O my people, what have I done unto thee.

Where shall the word be found, where will the word
Resound? Not here, there is not enough silence
Not on the sea or on the islands, not
On the mainland, in the desert or the rain land,
For those who walk in darkness
Both in the day time and in the night time
The right time and the right place are not here
No place of grace for those who avoid the face
No time to rejoice for those who walk among noise and deny the voice

Will the veiled sister pray for
Those who walk in darkness, who chose thee and oppose thee,
Those who are torn on the horn between season and season, time and time, between
Hour and hour, word and word, power and power, those who wait
In darkness? Will the veiled sister pray
For children at the gate
Who will not go away and cannot pray:
Pray for those who chose and oppose

O my people, what have I done unto thee.

Will the veiled sister between the slender
Yew trees pray for those who offend her
And are terrified and cannot surrender
And affirm before the world and deny between the rocks
In the last desert before the last blue rocks
The desert in the garden the garden in the desert
Of drouth, spitting from the mouth the withered apple-seed.

O my people.

Full text here.

Wii Bought a Wii

Wii are stimulating the economy.
My job is recession-proof. Trevor's is somewhat insulated by the fact that he works for his father. Seriously, the fact that I went out and spent a bunch of money this week is good for the economy. I'm not just using that as a thin justification. I'm not going to go accuruing a lot of debt or stop putting money into savings, but if I've got some disposable income, and most people don't right now, then it actually helps if I spend it. Plus the Wii is sweet.

Wii are considering quitting the gym and buying Wii Fit.
Seriously. We just looked into what it would take to quit 24-Hour Fitness because we never go, and it turns out it's this horrible process and they're notorious for charging people even after they've quit and you can't get a freeze on your account unless 1) you have a doctor's note stating that you're too sick to work out, 2) you've been sent overseas for the military, or 3) you have a letter from your employer on company letterhead stating that you are being moved for work to a location at least 25 miles away from a 24-Hour Fitness. After reading that, I want to quit just on principle! Plus Wren and Daryl have Wii Fit and they say it's great and I think my young video game loving mind would really enjoy working out in my own living room with video games rather than driving to the gym and feeling awkward for 45 minutes.

Wii kick ass at Wii Sports.
And by Wii I mean Mii. Having never played anything on the Wii before, I kicked Trevor's ass at Bowling and Boxing. I have no idea how. But I like it! He was up last night after I went to bed just training at Wii Bowling. I think this could be the start of a lot of quality time together. Either that or a huge rivalry.

Made for Each Other

4:00 AM, Trevor has just come to bed after working on a paper since midnight:

Trevor: "Oo, are you getting up for water? Can you get me some?"

Me: "You have water. Your water bottle is half-full. Or half-empty, I suppose."

Trevor: "Well I want more."

Me: "All right, all right."

I secure lots of water, we fall into a contented sleepy silence until I have a revelation:

Me: "You know, this whole optimist-pessimist glass thing seems silly. Logically, a glass is half-full when you're filling it and half-empty when you're draining it."

Trevor: "Oh my god."

Me: "What?"

Trevor: "I was just thinking the exact same thing. I love you."

Me: "Clearly we have to be together forever."

The Enemy of My Enemy...

Trevor, commenting on how the rats won't stop fighting:

"Let's get a cat. Perhaps a common enemy will unite them."

Two Words:

President Obama

New Addition

Meet Yo-Yo, so named because he was careening into the jaws of death (by snake) and then retrieved as if twirling on a string held by the hand of some benevolent being (Wren).

Okay, not really. Yo-Yo is named Yo-Yo because it's short for his full name, Yossarian.

Meet Yossarian (AKA "Yo-Yo"):

He's just about the cutest thing ever. From what we can tell, he's an American Blue Dumbo. Wren saved him from a certain fate as boa food, and from being poked by hundreds of high-school kids. He's very sweet and smart and curious. I think he's going to fit in well with the Monochromatic Mischief (AKA The Grayscale Gang).

No rat could replace Trinity, but I think he makes a fitting tribute.

Look Alive

Look alive,
See these bones.
What you are now,
We were once.
And just like we are,
You'll be dust.
And just like we are,
Permanent.


Nada Surf - See These Bones

I am the Man

I am the man. Okay, maybe the woman. But definitely not the Man. Long story short, I rule.

I woke up at 1:30 today, and I still managed to accomplish the following (with help from Trevor, of course):

• Rat laundry
• Part of the dishes
• Rat cage
• Trash and recycling
• Target run
• Grocery shopping

It's not quite 8:00, so I'm going to make some dinner, do some editing, and veg until 10:00ish at which point I will force myself to wind down and get to bed at a reasonable hour. Go me!

Totally motivated for the work week because I sprung for $50 worth of Indian food last night and now have two delicious lunches of chicken korma waiting for me this week.

Go go productivity and optimism! (You have no idea how far a sparkling clean rat cage will get you when it comes to having a positive attitude. Unless "you" are Wren. Then I bet you do."

Dear Wren

E-mail your mentor.



(Like right now.)

Ugh

I feel like I have a vacation hangover. Physically, mentally, emotionally, everything is under the weather. Can't think, can't eat properly, sleep properly, interact with the world properly. My stomach already felt awful during my trip and now it feels worse. Am I sick? Am I just homesick? I barely made it through work yesterday and with six hours to go I am dreading the rest of work today. I'm hoping the weekend will fix me. But how can it?

Recluse

Someday the rest of the world will come to accept the fact that some people really do thoroughly enjoy a night at home with a good book, a fun videogame, or a familiar movie. That some people's idea of an exciting night out is dinner and a movie, or just a movie, or just dinner. And that's perfectly fine.

I don't like bars or clubs as a rule. I don't like the music they play there. I don't like not having a place to sit and enjoy my drink. I don't like how I can't have a conversation because it's too loud. I've been there, I've done that, and no matter how many times I give in to a friend who's convinced I'll have a great time if I just try it, it's still not my scene.

I know they're well-intentioned. They want to share something they find fun with me. I just can't get into it. No matter what you do, if you take me to a bar or a club, I'm going to be wishing that I was at the movie theater, out for a nice dinner, or at home enjoying some peace and quiet. And after we're there for thirty or sixty minutes, I'm going to have a headache or be in a bad mood. It's just how I am, how I've always been, and probably how I'll always be.

You don't have to try hard for me to have a good time. I will never be disappointed by a meal or a movie, or even just sitting around at home hanging out. You don't have to impress me, and honestly, I'm usually much happier when you don't try to.