You Can't Write This Stuff

I'm watching an episode of Ghost Hunters where they go to an insane asylum. Steve and Tango, while investigating a ward, had the most incredible exchange of dialog. All of it was delivered with the kind of earnestness that only Steve and Tango can achieve:

Steve: This is a mentally challenged ward. A guy ate his own bed.
Tango: What?
Steve: He ate his bed. His whole bed! Springs, the whole thing.
Tango: Was he French?
Steve: Mattress—What does that have to do with eating a bed?
Tango: A lot.
Steve: French people eat furniture?
Tango: No, there was a famous French guy who ate bicycles for a living.
Steve: He ate bicycles?
Tango: Yeah, he loved the oily parts the best.