Easter Sunday

He's Alive!
(from Peter's point of view)

The gates and doors were barred and all the windows fastened down;
I spent the night in sleeplessness and rose at every sound
Half in hopeless sorrow and half in fear the day
Would find the soldiers breakin' through to drag us all away

And just before the sunrise I heard something at the wall
The gate began to rattle and a voice began to call;
I hurried to the window and looked down into the street
Expecting swords and torches and the sounds of soldiers' feet

There was no one there but Mary so I went down to let her in;
John stood there beside me as she told us where she'd been.
She said "They moved Him in the night and none of us knows where;
The stone's been rolled away and now His body isn't there!"

We both ran toward the garden, then John ran on ahead;
We found the stone and empty tomb just the way that Mary said.
But the winding sheet they wrapped Him in was just an empty shell;
And who or where they'd taken Him was more than I could tell.

Well, something strange had happened there, just what I didn't know;
John believed a miracle, but I just turned to go.
Circumstance and speculation couldn't lift me very high
'Cause I'd seen them crucify Him, then I saw Him die.

Back inside the house again the guilt and anguish came;
Everything I'd promised Him just added to my shame.
When at last it came to choices, I denied I knew His name;
And even if He was alive, it wouldn't be the same

But suddenly the air was filled with a strange and sweet perfume;
Light that came from everywhere drove shadows from the room.
Jesus stood before me with His arms held open wide;
And I fell down on my knees, and just clung to Him and cried.

He raised me to my feet and as I looked into His eyes,
Love was shining out from Him like sunlight in the skies
Guilt in my confusion disappeared in sweet release
And every fear I'd ever had just melted into peace

He's alive! He's alive, He's alive and I'm forgiven!
Heaven's gates are open wide:
He's alive, He's alive, oh He's alive and I'm forgiven
Heaven's gates are open wide
He's alive, He's alive, hallelujah He's alive

Good Friday

Were You There?
(Negro spiritual)

Were you there when they crucified my Lord?
Were you there when they crucified my Lord?
Oh,
sometimes it causes me to tremble,
tremble,
tremble...
Were you there when they crucified my Lord?

Were you there when they nailed him to the tree?
Were you there when they nailed him to the tree?
Oh,
sometimes it causes me to tremble,
tremble,
tremble...
Were you there when they nailed him to the tree?

Were you there when they pierced him in the side?
Were you there when they pierced him in the side?
Oh,
sometimes it causes me to tremble,
tremble,
tremble...
Were you there when they pierced him in the side?

Were you there when the sun refused to shine?
Were you there when the sun refused to shine?
Oh,
sometimes it causes me to tremble,
tremble,
tremble...
Were you there when the sun refused to shine?

Were you there when they laid him in the tomb?
Were you there when they laid him in the tomb?
Oh,
sometimes it causes me to tremble,
tremble,
tremble...
Were you there when they laid him in the tomb?

Please Don't Worry

I'm afraid I may have alarmed some of you with the previous post. I discovered yesterday that part of why I feel so terrible is the fact that I have a cold in addition to the significant side effects of the Lithium. I think the emotional side effects were actually because of cycling off of my old medication, not going on the Lithium, which would make a lot of sense. I'm hoping that with a lot of sleep and fluids and relaxation time I'll start to feel a bit better, as I don't want to leave all of my homework for the end of the week or waste my break away indoors. I dunno. I'm sure it'll get better. I haven't even been on Lithium for a week yet. It's just been a really long week.

From My Deathbed

I have never felt a worse combination of bodily and emotional pain than I have been feeling since Tuesday on Lithium. I really hope it starts working soon, because right now I really want to give up.

Some Day You Feed on a Tree Frog

I'm going on Lithium. My doctor thinks there's a slight chance that I might have Bipolar II Disorder since I've been having more and more manic and depressive episodes in addition to my anxiety. Apparently (I found this out after talking to my doctor today) my maternal grandmother had what at the time was called Manic Depressive Disorder (now Bipolar I or II Disorder depending on how bad it is), so the diagnosis for me wouldn't be out of nowhere. If the Lithium helps, then I probably have Bipolar II; if it doesn't, then I probably just have a strange manifestation of an anxiety disorder, and I'll need to go back to some other SSRI medication. For now I've just been feeling sickly and unmotivated, which is bad because I was supposed to turn in my second short paper for my Thesis on Friday.

Working Girl

Beginning in April, I will be working for Backlund and Mistry, Attorneys at Law, as a legal assistant. Lots of paperwork and office stuff, but Manek (Manek Mistry) and Jodi (Jodi Backlund) are so nice! I start at 30 hours a week, $13/hr. It's not a ton of money, but this isn't a permanent career, and I'll be getting paid vacation and sick leave, and possibly health insurance if they can swing it. They also really want to give me more hours and more pay, so hopefully I'd be getting a pay raise and/or an increase of hours after a couple of months. Until graduation I'll be training and working part time for them when my school schedule permits it. Guess I'll have to stop being lazy!

I'm really excited and really nervous about starting the job, but I have a couple of weeks to get used to the idea as they're going on a two-week vacation.

I've been feeling really crappy lately and I can't seem to get over it. Really nervous, too, so I didn't get my paper turned in today for my thesis. Ugh. I need to start keeping up with things, especially if I'm going to be working this job soon. Scary!

I Made LOLRATS!

Trinity


Vesper


Jinx


Trinity

I don't understand.

I don't understand. Yesterday was ridiculously busy (went to Portland to get ratbabies), and I was exhausted by 9:00pm. I stayed up till midnight after taking a Lorazepam, fell asleep fine, and slept terribly, if you can even call it that. I woke up several times, and in between didn't really sleep, just sort of zoned out. Now it's 6:00 and I've been awake for at least an hour. My head is killing me and my eyes aren't tired. I took another Lorazepam about fifteen minutes ago, but maybe it just won't work if my head hurts. Unfortunately, I can't take any headache medicine, because I'm worried about it reacting to the Lorazepam. Agh! Guess I won't be going to Church with Trevor today. And I haven't gotten a bit of homework done this weekend. I really hope I can fall asleep soon so that I can sleep in, help clean the kitchen, have Trevor's parents over to see the rats, then get back to Tacoma to work on homework.