Boss-related E-Mail Antics

(Boss asked me if I had finished work from previous day.)

Me: I did all of that! Maybe I don't need you after all!

[Boss 1]: You need me. I'm the senior partner. I control everything.

Me: I don't know if you've ever seen Buffy or Angel, but there's an evil law firm that protects demons and bad people from the law using evil lawyering! The "Senior Partners" are majorly powerful demons! Now I am afraid of you.

[Boss 1]: You are right to fear me. Did you ever see Devil's Advocate, starring Keanu Reaves as a lawyer and Al Pacino as the devil?

Me: Are you saying you're secretly Keanu Reeves? Now I really am scared! Also, I suppose for NaNoWriMo I could just do 50,000 words of freewriting related to the story I'm working on already. Feels like cheating. But what's the point of starting something new if you've got something good going?

[Boss 1]: Exactly. If I do NaNoWriMo, that's what I'm doing. I'll be open about it, but I'm planning to use it to make some progress.

Me: Write an evil story about being evil.

[Boss 1]: Stories aren't evil. People are evil.

Me: Stories can be evil if evil people write them. You de-Manek [Pronounced "Demonic" -- Manek is Boss 1's first name] man.

[Boss 1]: I disagree. For example, Norman Mailer was kind of a jerk. So was Hemingway. And don't even ask about Jane Austen--she was positively malevolent. But their stories aren't evil.

Me: There's a difference between being a jerk and being evil. Brad Pitt wasn't a jerk in "Meet Joe Black," but he was totally evil! Also hot.

[Boss 1]: William Safire says "hot" is no longer cool. Kids these days say "fierce." Have you heard that?

Me: No. But I'm old. Also, I was never cool. I will always say "hot." P.S. Keanu Reeves is totally who is playing you in our feature film, "Outraged on Your Behalf: The Backlund & Mistry Story."

[Boss 1]: He is so fierce. Will it be Keanu from the Matrix? Or the gum-chewing bulked-up cop Keanu from Speed? P.S. I think he's taller than me.

Me: I think Matrix Keanu. In a suit. With long hair and sunglasses. P.S. Everyone's taller than you.

[Boss 1]: Um. I don't think you're taller than me.

Me: I'm not trying to play you in a movie.

[Boss 1]: Touche.