Maladjusted

The weekend is finally here--a three-day weekend in which I do not have to graduate, move all of my worldly possessions, or drive halfway across America--, so of course, I'm miserable.

I'm not sure I even really know why. Maybe I slept too late. Maybe I'm just stressed out about the fact that we still have so much moving in to do and things to buy before the apartment is a real home. I just feel so exhausted and so unenthusiastic all the time. It's as if I'm not even on the Lithium at all. I'm timid and easily upset and I never want to go hang out with anyone that I'm not extremely close with. This means that I'm often at home alone while Trevor hangs out with his friends. It's not that I don't want to socialize, it's just that I'm upset at the prospect that these are the only people (besides Trevor) in Olympia who I can remotely call my friends, but they're really just acquaintances. Once I realize that, I become even more depressed at the thought that Trevor is my only real friend for at least thirty miles.

I know Tacoma isn't that far away, but it's still a significant drive for me, especially since I don't have my own car, and gas prices are what they are, and I have precious little free time to make those kinds of trips. I'm so used to being surrounded by friends at all times, and now I'm either hanging out with Trevor or I'm alone. I love spending time with him, but I don't want my life to revolve around him, because I know that will only cause more problems in the end. I'm afraid I'll become clingy and that'll put him off and everything will turn into a huge mess.

I know I should be trying to make new friends in Olympia since I'm going to be here for a while, but that just doesn't seem likely at this point. I love my bosses, but I doubt we'd hang out much outside of work. Almost all of Trevor's older (from high school) friends are either married or engaged, and I can't see ever becoming close with any of their wives/fiancees, and his newer friends all go to Evergreen, which means they're pretty cool, but still not the kind of people I could see myself hanging out with on my own. And where else can I meet friends? I don't even really want to make new friends. I just want to be able to still spend time with the old ones. It just breaks my heart to realize that never again can I just spontaneously decide that I want to watch a movie at home with Wren, Matt, and/or Daryl. Instead, I'd have to think of the idea early enough in the evening so that, assuming they're not working or doing schoolwork, one of us could drive to the other one's house. Ugh.

So I'm not sure what to do. Maybe tomorrow I'll be over it. Sometimes that happens. Or maybe I'll never really be over it, but I'll just have to learn to live with it. Everyone else makes these transitions look so easy.