We're all Mad here...

Sheesh!

2009-11-16T15:32:00.000-08:00

Quick update: Trevor is out of the hospital now. He only spent two weeks on the ventilator and only three weeks in the hospital total, I believe, which is far less than we expected and we're very happy about that. He's pretty weak still and frustrated with that, but he's going to be just fine.

The rats have been named! The lilac is Marlow and the Siamese is Prufrock. We're continuing the literary character last name theme.

Spinning My Wheels

2009-10-28T08:53:00.001-07:00

So much has happened since Jinx died I don't really know where to begin. I guess that was nearly a month ago now. I guess I'll just try to go down the list and flesh things out:

Rats
We got two new baby boy rats and they're both adorable. They're about eight or nine weeks old now (we got them when they were about seven weeks old) and still pretty small, but growing every day. They don't have names yet (see below) but one's a standard coat, dumbo eared, red-eyed, Russian Blue-point Siamese, and the other one is a Rex coat, dumbo-eared, black-eyed Lilac. Both are fairly rare colors and both are going to be beautiful when they're older. Right now they're just cute.

Unfortunately, just after we got them we noticed that Yo-Yo and Vesper both had a respiratory infection, and gave it to the new babies. I took them all in right away and they got antibiotics, etc, and should be fine now. They're currently at Wren's (see below) and have a follow-up appointment tomorrow afternoon.

Health
Meanwhile, Trevor went on a four-day field trip to Longview right before I went on a two-day trip to Portland to see friends and pick up the rats. He got back and was pretty sick, but doing well enough that I was fine with leaving him at home for two nights. He called me Saturday night to tell me that his doctor had diagnosed him with H1N1 (Swine Flu). He was told to stay home and rest, treat symptoms, and go to the hospital if he had trouble breathing or suddenly got better and then worse.

We both stayed home all week because I was contagious (I'd already given it to Wren without having symptoms and without her being around Trevor directly) and he ended up having a fever of around 103 degrees before his mother finally took him to the hospital on Thursday morning. I had stayed at Wren's the night before and sent him to his mom's house because I was beginning to show symptoms and couldn't take care of him while taking care of myself. He was too weak to do much more than sleep and hobble to the bathroom or from the couch to the bed, etc.

I saw him at the hospital on Thursday and he was doing okay, but then that night they put him into the ICU and have kept him unconscious ever since. What happened was that he got very severe pneumonia as a complication of the virus (opportunistic bacteria had moved into his compromised lungs). For the first day they had him unconscious, paralyzed, and on the ventilator with 100% oxygen. Now they've been able to take the oxygen down to around 70% last time I heard, have taken him off the paralytic, and have been able to move him a bit (the first day his vitals crashed when they tried to move him).

I don't really know how long they'll be keeping him unconscious or on the ventilator (or whether he'll have to be unconscious as long as he's on the ventilator or if he'll eventually get used to it and stop fighting it when he's awake). It's been a little over five days now since they put him under. I saw him the other day, and of course he looked absolutely terrible. Three IVs (a central line to his heart and one in each arm) along with the ventilator, meds, glucose/vitamins, and all sorts of monitors. They took out his lip ring, which for some reason really saddened me. Like the last sign of his personality being stripped away after his clothes and personality. We'll probably have to get it re-pierced because I think he'll want to, but his mom said she'd pay for that if he does. It's not a big deal right now. He's also going to lose a ton of weight, so we'll have to find a way to put some healthy weight back on him and build up some muscle tone slowly. Poor guy. At least he'll be svelt for the wedding like he wanted and we can buy him new clothes once he evens out.

I've been told that he'll probably be in the hospital for 4-6 weeks, all told. There will be a lot of arrangements to work out with his school and his teachers, and apperwork to sign to get financial assistance from the hospital (his bills will be around $150,000 but because of his financial situation he may qualify for a 100% waiver, which would be a miracle).

Luckily I have his e-mail info and password, and all of the information he needs for grad school apps and access to them. That means I can do a lot for him while he's out and that will also help keep me busy in a helpful way rather than escaping.

My mom is staying for the week to help get me used to being at home again (I was at Wren's Wednesday night through Sunday night because I didn't want to go home until I had to work. I even brought the rats with me.). She's been buying groceries and household supplies and such for me as well as meals out, and has been doing a lot of chores (cleaning, laundry, etc) around the house so that I can relax in the evening. It's been helpful and comforting, and of course just having her there makes it a bit easier. It'll be strange when she's gone and I'll have to be in the apartment during the work week and may be alone for at least a few of the evenings each week.

I'm keeping a journal for Trevor of everything that's happening while he's unconscious. I hope that it will help him deal with the strangeness of losing a few weeks of his life like that. But mostly it's for me right now, as it gives me a way to focus my thoughts about what's going on and it also makes me feel as if I'm talking to him in some form. The distance between consciousness and unconsciousness seems wider than that between London and Washington, and I've never felt more separated from him than I do now. Hopefully they'll wake him up soon. Even if he's still on the ventilator and can't talk yet, I'll be able to talk at him and know he can hear me and listen and respond in some way.

Grad School
I missed the GRE Subject Test. I still feel awful and embarrassed about it. I somehow misjudged when I needed to leave the house because I had had trouble sleeping all week. So that was an automatic $130 loss. And then it was past the registration deadline for November (the last test date I can take to get it in on time for my application deadlines). So the deal is, I have to show up at UPS next Saturday morning and see if they have space and materials for me to take the test. If they do, I pay a new $130 fee PLUS a $50 standby fee (highway robbery!) and I can take it. I don't think I'll be studying much. I'll just go and take it, and I'm going to try to find a way to only send the scores to NYU and U of Michigan at first (the only of my schools that require it). Worst case scenario: I don't get in to take the test and I can't apply to NYU or Michigan. I don't care about those schools much except that Trevor wouldn't be able to apply to Michigan, which is one of his favorites. But I guess I'll just have to take it as it comes.

NaNoWriMo starts on Sunday. I can't participate this year because of grad school applications, but Wren's going to, so I'm going to hang out with her for a lot of the time she's working on her NaNo project but instead I'll be working on graduate school applications, personal statements, ordering transcripts, and editing my writing sample. I think that's a good idea that will really motivate me to make progress in November so we'll be in good shape during those crucial two weeks of December when most of the applications during which most of the applications will need to be finished up. Plus it'll keep me busy while Trevor's in the hospital, conscious or not.

Whew! At least in spite of everything I feel about as in control and as happy as I can considering the circumstances. Having the normal work routine helps, as does having a huge and wonderful support group. I know that we'll get through this, though it'll take time.

In Memoriam

2009-10-01T07:17:00.000-07:00

Jinx ("Hijinx")

January 25, 2008 - October 1, 2009

I wish that I could say that I was surprised to see you go, sweetie. A year and eight months seems too short a life for such a wonderful rat. In a way we were both glad that you were hurt in the end, because it gave us so much time with you. We got to see how much you loved us, and depended on us for comfort, and how sweet you were toward the end. We hope that what hurt you was a sign of something that we could do nothing about, rather than the cause of your demise. We hope that you didn't suffer too much, and that when you did we were able to help in some way. We hope we're not just imagining that it looked like your brother and sister were sleeping beside you when you went, and I think you would've been glad to know that even though sometimes they bullied you, how upset they were was how I knew you were gone. If there was something we could've done, then we're both profoundly sorry. It's hard to imagine for other people, I'm sure, that we could love something so small and so short-lived so much. We hope that if Rat Heaven exists, you're in your cube eating yogies and strawberry-flavored whipped yogurt. If not, we at least hope that your time here was happy and comfortable. I'm sure your little rat heart, which was meek and affectionate but which was never burdened by the thought that every living thing must die, could never have fathomed how much we miss you.

Not a Perfect Simile

2009-09-21T09:14:00.000-07:00

In an e-mail to Boss 1 today, I wrote:

I'm going to go home and focus on planning for Japan rather than freaking out about grad school applications. It's like being Indiana Jones and taking the Leap of Faith in The Last Crusade and being like "Ohgod ohgod I'm gonna die what if I'm not faithful enough ...Yay it's a bridge! I'm not dead! Oh wait it's super skinny must use these little pebbles so I don't die getting to the little cave where that knight of the round table is because I need to find the Holy Grail and then make it all fizzy on Sean Connery's belly. No okay okay just going to focus on getting across the stupid bridge!"

I'd like to think of the Holy Grail as finishing the grad school application process or maybe getting accepted by good grad schools and choosing one, but I guess in this scenario those things are represented by Sean Connery not dying.

Either way I'm awesome.

It's Official!

2009-09-03T16:57:00.000-07:00

After a spontaneous decision to have dinner at The Melting Pot, we finally have our list of schools (in no particular order):

University of Michigan
University of Oregon
Pennsylvania State University
University of Chicago (M only)
Northwestern University
University of Illinois - Chicago (M only)
The Art Institute of Chicago (T only)
Columbia University
New York University
City University of New York (T Brooklyn College campus)
The New School (T only)

Now, to prepare materials for our professors so they can write recommendations! @.@

Predictably

2009-08-26T08:59:00.000-07:00

In a complete 180 from yesterday, I feel great today! I've done a 30-min yoga routine every evening for three days and my goal is to continue that tonight and tomorrow night and then do five days next week as well. I feel more relaxed and more flexible. I got a really good night's sleep last night so I feel rested and energetic. And to cap it, Trevor told me this morning that he's found a wonderful program at the Art Institute of Chicago that is now high on his list. It's very flexible and interdisciplinary and the professor he'll have for his final two quarters did his undergrad at Evergreen and his MFA at the Art Institute. The school also gives you four years to complete the two-year degree so you can take time off to travel, write, or do internships, or you can choose to do some quarters part-time, all without penalty. I'm very excited for him!

Of course my excitement isn't entirely altruistic. It's very important to me that he have some good program options in Chicago since there are three schools I'm interested in there, and the University of Chicago is probably at the top of my list right now. Before this morning, the only program that we knew about that was suitable for him in Chicago was at Northwestern, but it's designed for people with full-time jobs and so the courses are at night, which would put a strain on our relationship. Plus the more programs he applies to in that area, the more chances we have of being able to end up there. The idea of living in Chicago is very appealing to me right now. It's a cultural hub and a big city without the overwhelming grandness of New York.

So I know that we're a long way off from knowing where we're going to be, and there are no guarantees, but being able to feel good about our options can go a long way.

I Wish

2009-08-25T11:55:00.000-07:00

I wish that I didn't have a mood disorder so that I wouldn't have had to take a medication that worked well but that I wish wasn't dangerous to my health so that I wish I wouldn't have had to change medications so that I wish I wasn't half emotionally unstable and half fuzzy-headed so that I wish I could focus and not panic when it comes to applying to graduate schools which wouldn't be so bad except I wish that I hadn't been having nightmares and insomnia every night since I stopped taking my previous medication and I wish that my friends didn't live at least 40 minutes away and I wish that I had more time to see them and to relax and to work on something that isn't related to preparations for graduate school and I wish I could be myself again so that I could focus on the fact that all of this means that I have a great job, a bright future, reliable and affordable access to health care, and family and friends that I love spending time with.

I wish it were next May.

Just Another Morning at the Law Firm

2009-08-25T09:17:00.000-07:00

Early morning e-mail exchange between me and Boss 2:

Me: Guess what I'm doing right now. I'm eating toast! [I just brought a toaster to the office last week.]
Boss 2: Fucking toasteater.
Me: I will not tolerate your unfounded and despicable prejudice against my toasteating ways!
Boss 2: You know, I sometimes mean "fucking" in a positive way. As in "Fucking Grandma." I can picture the toasteating smile on your face. Sam said that District 9 was clearly set up for a sequel. I say no. Thoughts?
Me: Oh sure, try to cover your hateful words with a simple explanation. And yes, the toasteating smile is glorious. And full of butter and crumbs. District 9 was so not set up for a sequel. And I would not respect them if it were. Americans don't understand that sometimes movies are just open-ended. And I like it that way! In other words, Sam is full of shit.

Of Crime and Time

2009-08-19T10:56:00.000-07:00

Conversation on gmail chat with boss regarding a current case:

Boss 1: Hey.
Me: Hello.
Boss 1: Start researching novels with time machines in them.
Me: Okay. Why?
Boss 1: We have to prove that you CAN change the past for Mr. [Client]'s case. The prosecutor says you can't.
Me: Haha!
Boss 1: This is no laughing matter.
Me: Well, [H. G.] Wells would say that simply by attempting to change the past you make it impossible to do so.
Boss 1: We need to include Wells in our appendix, of course.
Me: Naturally.

Gotta Love Gmail

2009-07-12T17:25:00.000-07:00

In the year that I've had Gmail, I haven't seen this background in my "Tree" theme (one that changes with the weather in your city) before:

Lightning! Man, I wish my Gmail always looked like this! Too bad it was only around for this morning and was gone as soon as the lightning was. Now it's back to the rainy day background I had for most of last Fall.

You Can't Write This Stuff

2009-06-27T12:19:00.000-07:00

I'm watching an episode of Ghost Hunters where they go to an insane asylum. Steve and Tango, while investigating a ward, had the most incredible exchange of dialog. All of it was delivered with the kind of earnestness that only Steve and Tango can achieve:

Steve: This is a mentally challenged ward. A guy ate his own bed.
Tango: What?
Steve: He ate his bed. His whole bed! Springs, the whole thing.
Tango: Was he French?
Steve: Mattress—What does that have to do with eating a bed?
Tango: A lot.
Steve: French people eat furniture?
Tango: No, there was a famous French guy who ate bicycles for a living.
Steve: He ate bicycles?
Tango: Yeah, he loved the oily parts the best.

I'm Okay

2009-06-23T12:20:00.000-07:00

I can be pretty melodramatic. Still feel crappy, but doing okay. Going to the braindoc tomorrow so we'll see what new developments there are after the appointment.

Something's Gotta Give

2009-06-21T14:07:00.000-07:00

Overwhelmed by everything, offended by everything, upset by everything; inspired by nothing, motivated by nothing, distracted by nothing; always tired, always cold, always uncomfortable.

This isn't depression. I'm not unhappy. In fact, when I can muster the energy to be excited I'm more than content. This is insidious lethargy. All my reactions are wrong, when I react at all. All I want is more sleep, more comfort food, more time away. Can't focus, can't remember. It takes effort to create a facial expression, a tone of voice.

Last night I dreamt that I was falling behind in classes because I couldn't remember the things I'd studied, couldn't concentrate on what we were learning. It was indescribably terrifying.

I need a different medication.

The Time Traveler's Wife

2009-06-13T11:05:00.000-07:00

I'm still just not sure about Eric Bana as Henry DeTamble. But of course I'm still going to see the movie, so I guess I'll find out on August 14!

Wedding Version 1.1

2009-06-03T16:11:00.000-07:00

I've tried on the gown, it's perfect, and we're going forward and having the dressmaker do a new-and-improved version of that prototype. I've already put down the first half (as required to ensure they don't work hard for nothing), so it's official! I am going to have a beautiful custom-made gown that cost an arm and a leg. Wow!

Date: Saturday, April 10, 2010
Church: St. John's Episcopal Church in Olympia
Reception venue: The Heritage Room (what I was formerly calling Water Street Cafe)
Colors: Black, white, and silver
Guest estimate: 100
Honeymoon: The Lodge at Koele on Lana'i
Dress: Custom-made gown from Sylphide Designs
Flowers: Black and white miniature calla lilies

Done Moping (For Now)

2009-06-01T08:04:00.001-07:00

After much discussion and checking of schedules, our new tentative date is April 10, just two weeks after our original date and a week after Easter. It seems to be fine with the church, though I'm waiting for confirmation so I can book it with their wedding coordinator. I feel much better now. My sister has that Wednesday off so she can easily come out for three days, my mom has a day off the Friday before, so she could come out for a whole week, and my dad says he can take at least one, if not two class days off without too much trouble, so he can be there at least as long as my sister can. I think that would work out rather nicely.

In other wedding news, the dress woman called me back, and today I'm going to make an appointment for Wren and me to go over and look at the dress, maybe try it on if it's not way too big. The quote the woman gave me was over $1000, which has overwhelmed me, but I guess wedding dresses are unreasonably expensive by nature, and this one is a unique design that would be custom-made for me. We'll see if I end up giving in once I try it on and it looks amazing.

Wedding Hiccup #1

2009-05-31T12:35:00.000-07:00

We can't get married during Lent if we want to get married in a church. We really want to get married at St. John's. Therefore, we can't get married in March. Which means that we either have to get married in January and not have a honeymoon until March, or get married in May after Susannah's graduation. I hate May. I hate summer. I don't want to wait a year to get married. I don't want to have a generic late Spring/early Summer wedding. I don't want to get married that close to when we leave for graduate school. But if we try for this Fall or Winter we won't have enough time to plan, and we'll be stressed out by grad school applications, and we'll have to take a honeymoon over Christmas break.

You'd think a window of over a year would provide enough time to find one day that works for everyone. Apparently we're going to have to settle for one day that works for everyone except the bride.

Wedding Version 1.0

2009-05-22T15:31:00.000-07:00

So I thought it would be fun to track how the wedding plans change between now and the actual day. They say you never end up with the wedding you plan starting out. Here's how things stand two days after the proposal:

Date: Saturday, March 27, 2010
Church: St. John's Episcopal Church in Olympia
Reception venue: Water Street Cafe or the Center for the Performing Arts
Colors: Black, white, and silver
Guest estimate: 100-150
Honeymoon: Lanai, Vancouver, or Kalaloch

I'll try to update this every time there's a major development or change to the plan. Should be a fun experiment!

The One Ring

2009-05-21T22:54:00.000-07:00

Please ignore my weirdly-shaped and stubby fingers and focus on the pretty. Trevor informs me that my fingers are so small that the jeweler had to specially alter one of her existing designs so that the peridot gems would be closer together. So no one else has a ring like this.

Wow!

2009-05-20T22:23:00.001-07:00

I'm engaged! The proposal took me by a surprise, was very simple, very adorable, and very Trevor. Love the ring: silver and peridot. Pics to come (hopefully) soon. I'll probably post more about it when I've had some time to process. All I've done since I said yes is make phone calls so far.

My Day Thus Far

2009-05-20T11:11:00.000-07:00

This is an interpretation, often with what people meant rather than what they actually said.

Me: "Hello there, trial court clerk. Can we have copies of some exhibits?"
TCC: "No problem! I'll get them scanned and send them--Oh. Wait. I guess the trial attorney designated them all, so we sent them over to the Court of Appeals."
Me: "All of them?"
TCC: "Yup."
Me: "Okay... Um, when did they get sent over?"
TCC: "January."
Me: "But we weren't even appointed until Feb--Nevermind. Thank you. I'll call the Court."

*I freak out with Boss for a few mins and Boss agrees to take charge*

Boss: "Hello, case manager. It appears you have our exhibits. Can we have copies?"
CM: "I don't have time to make copies."
Boss: "But we were hoping to file our brief by Friday..."
CM: "Why didn't you order the exhibits earlier?"
Boss: "Because your new system is stupid and we never had any problems with getting exhibits until you changed everything for no reason."
CM: "All right. Well, call the trial court clerk and have him fax us a request so we can send the exhibits back to the trial court, and then he can make copies for you."
Boss: "...Can't I just ask you to send the exhibits back right now?"
CM: "No, it has to be all official and stuff."
Boss: "Okay. Great. Thanks so much for your help. *hangs up phone and turns to me* "We're asking for a thirty-day extension on the brief."
Me: "I figured. Wax poetic in the motion about injustice and bureaucracy?"
Boss: "Yup."
Me: "Excellent."

Ugh

2009-05-18T14:21:00.001-07:00

A horribly stressful period is even more difficult when you have nothing much to look forward to but more of the same.

Mother's Day

2009-05-10T11:10:00.001-07:00

There are so many people who won't have mothers in the way that I have a mother. People whose mothers have died, who can't be with them for one reason or another, or, worst of all, who are there but don't seem to care about them.

My life has been blessed with two parents who love me, and even better, who like me. They want to be around me. They're interested in who I am and want to be a part of my life.

I cannot imagine a better mother than mine. She is a strong career woman, but still had time for us. My father took many of the traditional parenting roles, but my mother has still always been nurturing and loving.

I've grown up and moved away and she still calls, still sends care packages, still looks forward to seeing me. And because I love her and like her and respect her I miss her and look forward to talking to her and seeing her. She's one of my closest friends, and I know very few people who can say that about either of their parents.

Best of all, my mother has always tried to be there for children who don't have mothers in their lives for one reason or another. My friends always found refuge at our house. My roommates in college were always sent gifts and care packages when something was going wrong in their lives and they didn't have mother-figures who could or would be there for them. Even now, when college has been through for a year, she still asks after them and sends them gifts.

I am the kind of person who hates gender distinctions. I don't think there should be a Mother's Day or a Father's Day, but rather, simply a Parent's Day, where we celebrate all parents, and all that they do for their (and sometimes others') children.

Mom, you are the best parent and friend I could hope for (though you may have to share that title with dad). Happy Mother's Day.

Is It July Yet?

2009-04-17T09:22:00.001-07:00

I can hardly stand it!

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince Trailer 4A (final trailer)

Trevor: "Wow, that looks like it would be a badass movie even if it weren't Harry Potter!"

Me: "SQUEEEEEEE!"

Good Friday

2009-04-10T09:09:00.000-07:00

There is one song that I always associate with Good Friday, and it's no wonder that many other people do, too. It's called "Were You There," and the lyrics vary a lot because it's a Negro Spiritual and has been resung many times over generations. I think it's profoundly sad and beautiful when done right: the perfect tone for this day.

I found a wonderful recording of it. You can ignore the video, but it really is worth listening to the song. It took me a long time to find a recording that sounded the way I remembered hearing it. Absolutely beautiful:

Guimiliau
Uploaded by daniela-lucie

My favorite arrangement of the lyrics is as follows:

Were You There

Were you there when they crucified my Lord?
Were you there when they crucified my Lord?
Oh! Sometimes it causes me to tremble,
Tremble
Tremble
Were you there when they crucified my Lord?

Were you there when they nailed him to the Tree?
Were you there when they nailed him to the Tree?
Oh! Sometimes it causes me to tremble,
Tremble
Tremble
Were you there when they nailed him to the Tree?

Were you there when they pierced Him in the side?
Were you there when they pierced Him in the side?
Oh! Sometimes it causes me to tremble,
Tremble
Tremble
Were you there when they pierced Him in the side?

Were you there when the Sun refused to shine?
Were you there when the Sun refused to shine?
Oh! Sometimes it causes me to tremble,
Tremble
Tremble
Were you there when the Sun refused to shine?

Were you there when they laid him in the tomb?
Were you there when they laid him in the tomb?
Oh! Sometimes it causes me to tremble,
Tremble
Tremble
Were you there when they laid him in the tomb?

Just Another Day at the Office

2009-04-07T10:34:00.000-07:00

Wren is coming to visit the office tomorrow. Boss 2 is a bit excited. The following is from an e-mail she sent this morning:

"I'm thinking that when Wren comes, I will act like a normal person so she can question your sanity. I'll speak proper English and act horrified by sex offenders. Tee hee hee."

Clearly, hijinks will ensue. Right now I'm actually cleaning the office for the first time since I started working here. The dust was becoming a little too noticable and other things just needed to be organized. Woo!

The Times They Are A-Changin'

2009-04-05T19:46:00.000-07:00

I miss being on the medication that didn't work. Lithium has really helped my mind, but it hasn't really helped my body image. When I was on Citalopram, I was back to my high school weight of 105-100. Now, after a year on Lithium, I'm seriously in danger of reaching 130 if I'm not careful. And it shows. I know I'm not overweight or anything, but I just don't feel healthy. My clothes don't fit right, and I definitely have a belly. In other words, I'm not wearing the weight well. I've been working out via Wii Fit at least three times a week, but I'm not really seeing any results. Time to bump up the work out regiment. I'm trying to watch what I eat more too, but it's very frustrating since I've always had a really high metabolism and I feel as if I'm gaining this weight through no fault of my own because of the meds. Oh well. Maybe all of this will force me to be more active and eat better even though I've never really needed to. I just wish I could get my jeans to fit properly again.

In other news, I had a lovely afternoon and evening in Tacoma yesterday with some friends that used to work with Wren at Security. I'm sort of regretting not becoming closer to all of them when I had the chance. It's strange to miss people I've only spent a significant amount of time with in person maybe half a dozen times, yet I do. The play we saw was wonderful and affected me the way good theater always does, which is to say that it made me very contemplative and I'm having trouble shaking that. I miss college, I miss my friends, and I'm afraid of the fact that so many more changes are soon to come. Oh well. I guess I'll deal with them when they happen. What else can I do?

I Get By With a Little Help from My Friends

2009-04-02T14:25:00.000-07:00

A reading from the Book of Wren:

When I walk in the shadow of the Maddo of Oly

I shall fear no hobo: for she is with me.

Your coffee and your sandwiches, they comfort me.

You prepare an afternoon before me in the presence of your bosses

You offer my tea more sugar; my cup runneth over.

One part blasphemous, one part genius, and 100% awesome.

Eyes on the Future, Heart in My Throat

2009-03-24T21:34:00.000-07:00

I just e-mailed the three professors I would like letters of recommendations from. I have no idea what I'm going to do if one of them says no. There's only one I'm worried about. I'm praying she'll be merciful because her recommendation would be invaluable and I have no back-up.

Yikes.

Also, why are the GRE subject tests only offered three times a year? I don't get their system. And I don't like how it makes me panic.

Yes!

2009-03-05T12:47:00.000-08:00

Yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes!

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (New Trailer)

It needs to be July like right now.

Ash Wednesday

2009-02-25T09:16:00.000-08:00

Remember, O Man, that thou art dust, and to dust thou shalt return.

Ash Wednesday

by T. S. Eliot

[excerpt: part V of VI]

V

If the lost word is lost, if the spent word is spent
If the unheard, unspoken
Word is unspoken, unheard;
Still is the unspoken word, the Word unheard,
The Word without a word, the Word within
The world and for the world;
And the light shone in darkness and
Against the Word the unstilled world still whirled
About the centre of the silent Word.

O my people, what have I done unto thee.

Where shall the word be found, where will the word
Resound? Not here, there is not enough silence
Not on the sea or on the islands, not
On the mainland, in the desert or the rain land,
For those who walk in darkness
Both in the day time and in the night time
The right time and the right place are not here
No place of grace for those who avoid the face
No time to rejoice for those who walk among noise and deny the voice

Will the veiled sister pray for
Those who walk in darkness, who chose thee and oppose thee,
Those who are torn on the horn between season and season, time and time, between
Hour and hour, word and word, power and power, those who wait
In darkness? Will the veiled sister pray
For children at the gate
Who will not go away and cannot pray:
Pray for those who chose and oppose

O my people, what have I done unto thee.

Will the veiled sister between the slender
Yew trees pray for those who offend her
And are terrified and cannot surrender
And affirm before the world and deny between the rocks
In the last desert before the last blue rocks
The desert in the garden the garden in the desert
Of drouth, spitting from the mouth the withered apple-seed.

O my people.

Full text here.

Wii Bought a Wii

2009-02-09T09:05:00.000-08:00

Wii are stimulating the economy.
My job is recession-proof. Trevor's is somewhat insulated by the fact that he works for his father. Seriously, the fact that I went out and spent a bunch of money this week is good for the economy. I'm not just using that as a thin justification. I'm not going to go accuruing a lot of debt or stop putting money into savings, but if I've got some disposable income, and most people don't right now, then it actually helps if I spend it. Plus the Wii is sweet.

Wii are considering quitting the gym and buying Wii Fit.
Seriously. We just looked into what it would take to quit 24-Hour Fitness because we never go, and it turns out it's this horrible process and they're notorious for charging people even after they've quit and you can't get a freeze on your account unless 1) you have a doctor's note stating that you're too sick to work out, 2) you've been sent overseas for the military, or 3) you have a letter from your employer on company letterhead stating that you are being moved for work to a location at least 25 miles away from a 24-Hour Fitness. After reading that, I want to quit just on principle! Plus Wren and Daryl have Wii Fit and they say it's great and I think my young video game loving mind would really enjoy working out in my own living room with video games rather than driving to the gym and feeling awkward for 45 minutes.

Wii kick ass at Wii Sports.
And by Wii I mean Mii. Having never played anything on the Wii before, I kicked Trevor's ass at Bowling and Boxing. I have no idea how. But I like it! He was up last night after I went to bed just training at Wii Bowling. I think this could be the start of a lot of quality time together. Either that or a huge rivalry.

Made for Each Other

2009-01-30T08:45:00.000-08:00

4:00 AM, Trevor has just come to bed after working on a paper since midnight:

Trevor: "Oo, are you getting up for water? Can you get me some?"

Me: "You have water. Your water bottle is half-full. Or half-empty, I suppose."

Trevor: "Well I want more."

Me: "All right, all right."

I secure lots of water, we fall into a contented sleepy silence until I have a revelation:

Me: "You know, this whole optimist-pessimist glass thing seems silly. Logically, a glass is half-full when you're filling it and half-empty when you're draining it."

Trevor: "Oh my god."

Me: "What?"

Trevor: "I was just thinking the exact same thing. I love you."

Me: "Clearly we have to be together forever."

The Enemy of My Enemy...

2009-01-28T22:14:00.000-08:00

Trevor, commenting on how the rats won't stop fighting:

"Let's get a cat. Perhaps a common enemy will unite them."

Two Words:

2009-01-20T10:12:00.000-08:00

President Obama

New Addition

2009-01-18T12:09:00.001-08:00

Meet Yo-Yo, so named because he was careening into the jaws of death (by snake) and then retrieved as if twirling on a string held by the hand of some benevolent being (Wren).

Okay, not really. Yo-Yo is named Yo-Yo because it's short for his full name, Yossarian.

Meet Yossarian (AKA "Yo-Yo"):

He's just about the cutest thing ever. From what we can tell, he's an American Blue Dumbo. Wren saved him from a certain fate as boa food, and from being poked by hundreds of high-school kids. He's very sweet and smart and curious. I think he's going to fit in well with the Monochromatic Mischief (AKA The Grayscale Gang).

No rat could replace Trinity, but I think he makes a fitting tribute.

Look Alive

2009-01-14T10:43:00.000-08:00

Look alive,
See these bones.
What you are now,
We were once.
And just like we are,
You'll be dust.
And just like we are,
Permanent.

Nada Surf - See These Bones

I am the Man

2009-01-11T19:49:00.000-08:00

I am the man. Okay, maybe the woman. But definitely not the Man. Long story short, I rule.

I woke up at 1:30 today, and I still managed to accomplish the following (with help from Trevor, of course):

Rat laundry
Part of the dishes
Rat cage
Trash and recycling
Target run
Grocery shopping

It's not quite 8:00, so I'm going to make some dinner, do some editing, and veg until 10:00ish at which point I will force myself to wind down and get to bed at a reasonable hour. Go me!

Totally motivated for the work week because I sprung for $50 worth of Indian food last night and now have two delicious lunches of chicken korma waiting for me this week.

Go go productivity and optimism! (You have no idea how far a sparkling clean rat cage will get you when it comes to having a positive attitude. Unless "you" are Wren. Then I bet you do."

Dear Wren

2009-01-11T14:36:00.000-08:00

E-mail your mentor.

(Like right now.)

Ugh

2009-01-09T11:05:00.001-08:00

I feel like I have a vacation hangover. Physically, mentally, emotionally, everything is under the weather. Can't think, can't eat properly, sleep properly, interact with the world properly. My stomach already felt awful during my trip and now it feels worse. Am I sick? Am I just homesick? I barely made it through work yesterday and with six hours to go I am dreading the rest of work today. I'm hoping the weekend will fix me. But how can it?

Recluse

2009-01-01T03:31:00.000-08:00

Someday the rest of the world will come to accept the fact that some people really do thoroughly enjoy a night at home with a good book, a fun videogame, or a familiar movie. That some people's idea of an exciting night out is dinner and a movie, or just a movie, or just dinner. And that's perfectly fine.

I don't like bars or clubs as a rule. I don't like the music they play there. I don't like not having a place to sit and enjoy my drink. I don't like how I can't have a conversation because it's too loud. I've been there, I've done that, and no matter how many times I give in to a friend who's convinced I'll have a great time if I just try it, it's still not my scene.

I know they're well-intentioned. They want to share something they find fun with me. I just can't get into it. No matter what you do, if you take me to a bar or a club, I'm going to be wishing that I was at the movie theater, out for a nice dinner, or at home enjoying some peace and quiet. And after we're there for thirty or sixty minutes, I'm going to have a headache or be in a bad mood. It's just how I am, how I've always been, and probably how I'll always be.

You don't have to try hard for me to have a good time. I will never be disappointed by a meal or a movie, or even just sitting around at home hanging out. You don't have to impress me, and honestly, I'm usually much happier when you don't try to.

Favorite "Spirit" Quotes

2008-12-28T00:36:00.000-08:00

"I'm gonna kill you all kinds of dead."

"Dental. And Nazis. Great."

"The cat was reason enough."

"And this one's for Muffin!"

"Somebody find me a tie! I don't care what kind, but by God, it had better be red!"

Damn, I wish I could remember more.

For Wren

2008-12-24T10:48:00.000-08:00

I knew that she'd be trouble from the start. All dames are. Still, I couldn't help but let her in. She was the kinda dame that even a blind deaf guy with a two-bit sense of smell would notice the moment she walked in a room. She had legs that wouldn't quit, and a mouth on her that outran those legs. I always said a dame didn't need to talk, but I got a perverse pleasure outta listenin' to her devastate every lowlife barfly who got the notion she'd give him the time of day.

And I'm as low as they come. Still don't know why she didn't turn that acid tongue on the likes of me and put me in my place. It woulda been short work. But I was a private dick, and I had somethin' she wanted: a way out.

Like every beautiful woman in this town she had a past as dark as the bottom of the East River. Lookin' into her eyes sometimes was like starin' down the barrel of a gun. There was pain there, and danger: two things that seem to attract me like nothin' else. She'd been hurt real bad, though she didn't talk about it much. It made me want to get my hands around the throat of the man who'd done it and squeeze until the light left his eyes. Even though I knew this dame was strong enough to do it herself if she got the chance.

But it wasn't a man that'd done it. Well, not just a man, and not in the way I thought. They were a small family out of Saint Louis. New Money. Thought themselves grand because they'd done better than their parents. He was a lawyer: the kind so slimy no cell could hold him. The kind who could get the lowest scum off the hook without batting an eye.

She was a lazy housewife of the worst kind. Not enough brains to fill a shot glass. Spent all his money without wonderin' where it came from. That is, until the divorce. Messy business. The guy had an affair with some dancer at the kind of club a lawyer ought not to be seen at. Ended up making her his new wife. From what I gather, the dancer's got more decency than the housewife and the lawyer put together. But that ain't sayin' much.

So these people, if you can call 'em that. They took this dame in when she was just a kid with nobody and no place to go. She was an orphan and some kinda blood kin to the lazy broad. They spend half a decade makin' her feel like she's nobody. So now they figure she owes them a debt so big she can never repay it.

They want to see her, she says. And soon. Big family Christmas and all that. I try to remember the last time I celebrated Christmas by doing something besides spending some quality time in the dark with a scotch old enough to be my father. She's afraid that if she goes, she's done for. They got plans for her. They got a way of breakin' down this pillar of a woman and ruinin' her. I can't let that happen.

I tell her she don't belong to anyone. I don't got any family and I don't need any. But I wouldn't say no to comin' home to the sweet sight of that dame sittin' in my favorite chair while the smoke from her cigarette drifts up to stain the ceiling of my sorry excuse for an apartment. This dame makes me want to be somebody, and somethin' in me doesn't wanna let that go.

But it ain't my choice. And the pain and danger in the barrels of those eyes draws her toward that morning flight. And I know in my gut as I watch her step onto that plane without a backward glance that I'll never see her again. I don't know if anyone could help her, but it wasn't me. I'm already forgettin' the shade of her lipstick and the challenge in her eyes as I swear I'll never let myself love a dame again.

Making the Best of It

2008-12-19T23:46:00.000-08:00

Initially I had a full day planned for tomorrow: I would go to Seattle and meet with one of my former professors for lunch and finally discuss what she thought of my thesis. Then I would meet up with my mother and see a Christmas play. Afterwards we would have dinner and then I would drive home and pack.

However, a huge winter storm warning is in effect for Western Washington, and my parents were concerned that if I went up to Seattle tomorrow, I might not be able to make it back to Olympia to pack and get back out to the airport on Sunday. My options were to either 1) Go on with my Seattle plans but pack up all my things for Hawaii and say goodbye to Trevor on Saturday. I would sleep in Seattle and go to the airport from there. Or, I could 2) Cancel all my plans for Saturday and say home packing and spending time with Trevor, then try to make it up to the airport early on Sunday.

I have opted for option 2 because it's less stressful, I can reschedule with my professor, and my mother and I agreed that one should not die for a play, unless one's name is Abraham Lincoln. And I'm glad I did. Now my laundry is done and I can look forward to a day of watching the storm, doing chores, packing, and hanging out with Trevor.

Trev and I have instituted our own holiday. It's called TMsmas (pronounced tee-emms-mas), and it is a three-day event. The first two days of the event are the two days before I leave for Hawaii. The third day is the day I return from Hawaii. So today was the first day of TMsmas. Trevor and I exchanged the first of three TMsmas gifts. I got him a green lip ring that he's in raptures over, and he got me Mama Mia! on Blu-Ray, bashfully confessing that it wasn't a completely altruistic gift, because he liked the movie too.

And so we got to spend our evening watching Mama Mia! and marveling at the wonderful combination of the Blue-Ray menu system and the Playstation 3 controller. It was like magic. And now we both have ABBA songs stuck in our heads. Tomorrow we will exchange presents again for day two of TMsmas, and then we'll each have one to look forward to after New Years.

Let it snow, I say! But also let it let up enough so that we can get to SeaTac by 3:30 on Sunday. I don't want to miss my Christmas flight again, and I'm really looking forward to seeing my family.

To Do Before Sunday

2008-12-17T18:15:00.000-08:00

~~Dishes~~ (Trevor assures me he can do these)
~~Clean rat cage~~ (Guess Trevor's handling this one)
~~Buy groceries~~
~~Laundry and more laundry~~
~~Clean bathroom~~ (Trevor also assures me he can do this, though I'm skeptical)
~~Buy toiletries, etc, at Target~~
~~Buy rat food mix~~
~~Coffee night on Thurs?~~ (canceled due to snow)
~~Put up the rest of XMAS decorations?~~
~~Pack~~
~~Pack some more~~
~~Meet with Mita in Seattle on Saturday (if we don't get snowed out)~~ POSTPONED
~~Go to a play with Mom in Seattle on Saturday afternoon (see above)~~ CANCELED
~~Have some sort of down time (in addition to chores, etc) with Trev on Saturday night~~
Be packed, prepared, and at airport by 2:00 Sunday afternoon (if my flight isn't canceled)

HOW?!

Observational Skills

2008-12-16T20:56:00.000-08:00

People really only see what they want to. If one more person insinuates that the ring I wear on my left ring finger, which I've worn nearly constantly for at least FIVE YEARS, is an engagement ring, I swear I'm going to stop wearing it until I actually do get engaged. Sheesh!

Winter Wonderland

2008-12-15T11:17:00.000-08:00

Dear Washington Drivers,

There is a very good reason why one should always keep a little tool that has a brush on one side and a scraper on the other side in one's car. I know it doesn't snow often here, but when it does, you all freak out. You seem to have mastered the art of brushing off your windshield, side and back windows. However, all of you have neglected an important area of your car: the roof.

I know that unless you have a sun- or moon-roof you don't actually have your view obscured when there's an inch of snow on top of your car. However, high school Physics might have taught you a few things about the relationship between acceleration and friction.

See, when you're going 70 miles per hour on I-5 and I'm driving behind you, the force of your acceleration combined with the air around your car causes that lovely inch-thick layer of snow on your roof to slowly break away and land on the road in front of me, creating your own personal mini snowstorm that not only scares the crap out of me, but also makes it hard for me to see for a few seconds.

I find myself hoping that you will have to brake suddenly and realize that physics dictates that all of that snow will fly forward onto your windshield (a clump of snow in motion stays in motion), thus leading to a lack of visibility and possibly imminent maiming or death thanks to your laziness and/or stupidity.

Remember: always brush.

No love,
The girl who totally could have died a dozen times on I-5 yesterday AKA The girl from HAWAII who knows more about driving in snow than you do

In Memoriam

2008-12-06T17:58:00.000-08:00

Trinity Ann Awesomesauce

?? - December 6, 2008

You were always small and frail, but we held out hope that you could be okay. And even though we only had you for less than a year, you changed so much during that time. You went from being terrified of us to trusting and coming to us for comfort. I can hardly believe that the rat who wouldn't let me pick her up in March did not want to be out of my sight in the days before her death ten months later. I have to believe that you were happier for knowing us, for we were certainly happier for knowing you. You were the sweetest little creature I've ever known, and you are already terribly missed.

Wow

2008-12-03T08:42:00.000-08:00

I'm 22 years old today. Crazy!

What a weird feeling.

Hell Yes!

2008-11-30T17:14:00.000-08:00

Off to buy Wrath of the Lich King!

Note to Self

2008-11-29T23:36:00.000-08:00

It is completely unacceptable to miss three doses of your medication in two days.

Now you pay.

Christmas Spirit

2008-11-26T15:10:00.000-08:00

There Are Much Worse Things To Believe In
Sung by: Stephen Colbert and Elvis Costello

Elvis: There are cynics, there are skeptics
There are legions of dispassionate dyspeptics
Who regard this time of year as a maudlin insincere
Cheezy crass commercial travesty of all that we hold dear
Stephen: When they think that
Well, I can hear it
But I pity them their lack of Christmas spirit
For in a world like ours, take it from Stephen
There are much worse things to believe in.

Elvis: A redeemer and a savior, an obese man giving toys for good behavior
Stephen: The faith in what might be and the hope that we might see
The answer to all sorrow in a box beneath the tree
Find them foolish
Elvis: Sentimental
Stephen: Well you’re clearly none too bright
Both: so we’ll be gentle
Stephen: Don’t even try to start vaguely conceiving
Both: Of all the much worse things to believe in

Stephen: Believe in the judgment, believe in Jihad
Believe in a thousand variations on a dark and spiteful god
Elvis: You’ve got your money, you’ve got your power
You’ve got your science, and all the planets going to end within the hour
Stephen: You’ve got your dreams that don’t come true
Elvis: You’ve got the ones that do
Stephen: Then you’ve got your nothing
Both: Some folks believe in nothing
But if you believe in nothing
Then what’s to keep the nothing from coming for you

Stephen: Merry Christmas, Happy New Year
Now if you’ll forgive me there’s a lot to do here
There are stockings still unhung
Colored lights I haven’t strung
Elvis: And a one-man four-part Christmas carol waiting to be sung
Stephen: Call me silly, call me sappy
Call me many things, the first of which is happy
You doubt, but your sad
I don’t, but I’m glad
Both: I guess we’re even
Stephen: At least that’s what I believe in
Both: And there are much worse things

Everything I Need to Know About Love I Learned From "Twilight"

2008-11-22T23:18:00.000-08:00

How to tell if a vampire is in love with you:

He thinks you smell really good. No, seriously. He recoils at how good you smell.
He can't read your mind for reasons that are never explained.
He shows you his sparkly chest.
He saves you from another vampire who had evil intentions.
He saves you from a gang of Port Angeles roughnecks who had evil intentions.
Hell, he saves you from a van that had evil intentions.
He watches you sleep every night without your knowledge and when he tells you, you don't find that creepy.
He wants to eat you.
He doesn't want to turn you into a vampire.
He's like totally going to be with you until you die of old age.

Somebody gag me.

Eyes Toward the Future, Heart in My Throat

2008-11-21T08:03:00.000-08:00

Had a conversation last night I'm sure to remember for at least the next decade. I think everything's going to be fine. No, I think everything's going to be better than fine. We're just like Prufrock right now:

Do I dare
Disturb the universe?
In a minute there is time
For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse.

But those decisions are going to be made, and made with careful thought and planning. And I think it will all be for the better in the end.

(Sorry to be so cryptic)

Wow

2008-11-18T14:57:00.001-08:00

"Can you spare some change for a bite to eat?"
"I'm so sorry, but I don't have any cash on me."
"That's all right. [pause] You're very beautiful."
"[pause] Wow, um. Thank you. [pause] Have a good day."

I wonder how long I'll remember that guy.

Also, I really need to learn how to take compliments.

I am Amazing

2008-11-16T21:46:00.000-08:00

After spending a week two days behind schedule, I've finally done it! I've caught up! I am over a hundred words ahead of today's word count goal (26,666), which means that I am over half done with NaNoWriMo! Given this information, I should be motivated enough to maybe actually reach 50,000 words by the end of the month! Obviously, the goal has always been to meet the full 50,000 words, but I really had no idea what to expect when I started this crazy venture, so now that I've been keeping up for over half of it, I feel like I might be able to actually do it!

Hooray for me!

(And many thanks to Wren and others for motivating me and being patient with my schedule.)

*****
Me: I'm thinking maybe I'll do some dishes if I get caught up on NaNoWriMo tonight.
Wren: You need to prioritize.
Me: Yeah. I can do dishes in December.
Wren: Exactly.

The Reef! The Reef! The Reef is on Fire!

2008-11-14T08:27:00.000-08:00

Okay, maybe that was in poor taste. But they would appreciate it. The Reef (short for King Solomon's Reef) is one of Olympia's oldest and most classic dives. It's a diner/bar type of a place that has a significant history and a devoted clientele. They also have a fun tradition of putting up interesting messages on their reader board rather than advertisements. A couple of my favorites (I've probably mentioned them before) are as follows:

(in the summer) "Hot? Come into the Reef! Ugly? That's fine too."

(re: going back to school) "You know all the answers! Spend your book money at the Reef!" (to which the book store across the street responded with: "We know the cooks at the Reef buy books instead!")

Well, on Wednesday morning The Reef had a kitchen fire, so they're going to be out of business for a while. It must've been pretty bad, because when I got to work there were several fire trucks, ambulances, and cop cars surrounding the building. But does that get The Reef down? No! Their reader board now says:

"This is why we can't have nice things!"

Ohgod

2008-11-13T08:54:00.000-08:00

So... how many more days of NaNoWriMo?

I swear I'll be caught up by Saturday at bedtime! I must!

I actually really like the story. I just like doing other things besides writing in my spare time, too.

Ramblings

2008-11-10T23:10:00.000-08:00

You know how they say that books take you to another world? I have found that to be true in my own experience. However, it's not always a good thing.

When I read too much, I get sucked into the world of the book I'm reading. I use it as an escape. Sometimes, I don't want to do anything else but live in the world of the book. Or, conversely, sometimes I am afraid or repelled by the thought of submerging myself in that world.

I'm not a writer, I'm a reader. I write when I want something to read that does not exist yet as far as I know. When I'm writing "Twenty Feet" (my NaNoWriMo project), I escape to the world that "Twenty Feet" inhabits. For the past two days, my mind has not wanted to live in that world.

Tomorrow, when I force myself to try to catch up with the word count for NaNoWriMo, how will spending all day in the book-world of "Twenty Feet" affect me? I always seem to be significantly affected by whatever I'm reading/writing.

It's why I can't read before bed, unless it's a book I'm familiar with. Maybe I shouldn't write before bed either.

Why isn't my mind satisfied with the world my body exists in?

More Work Antics

2008-11-10T15:48:00.000-08:00

E-mail exchange from today:

Me: Which one of you bled on the [client] notes? Biohazard! If I get an infectious disease, I'm blaming you. Next time, a little less blood, eh?

[Boss 1]: Hmmm. I don't recall bleeding, or seeing blood. Maybe [client] came in the night, and this was intended to be a threatening message... I think we should put Dr. Jekyll on the case.

Me: You fool! Jekyll cannot even save himself!

[Boss 1]: Dash it all--you've seen through my plan. Now I must find a scapegoat, to divert attention from my nefarious machinations.

Me: You're approaching blogworthiness. You are indeed nefarious.

[Boss 1]: Double dashes! Now my thoughts and ruminations will be made public, when I'm supposed to be maintaining a low profile! I curse the day you arrived, with your twitter and your bloggery.

[Boss 2]: It was me, but it was beets. Which may be even grosser to you, I guess.

Me: A likely story!

Where Was I?

2008-11-05T12:00:00.000-08:00

I'm following Wren's lead, and making myself pin down where I was when Barack Obama was elected President of the United States of America. If I ever have children, I hope they are amazed when I tell them of a time before we had a black President. I hope I will also be able to tell them about a time before we had women Presidents, and they will think we were living in the Dark Ages. I will tell him of a time when many of us couldn't afford to drive our cars, didn't have health insurance, and couldn't get a good education. But I don't yet know what the future holds.

What I do know is that last night my faith in this country was restored. It's tenuous, but it's there. I'm not ashamed to be an American. I no longer fear that we are in a downward spiral that we're too selfish and stubborn to pull out of. When Barack Obama was elected President I was in the home of two very dear friends. Four of the most important people to me outside my family were around me. I had prepared a delicious veggie tray and had been anxiously filling myself full of cucumber sticks, caramel corn, and Midori sours.

At 7:00 we switched to Comedy Central's Indecision 2008: America's Choice coverage. It felt right to be brought real-time election news by the people who had kept me sane regarding politics for the past eight years. At 8:00, Jon Stewart ended the show with the following words: "As of 11:00 Eastern Standard Time, Barack Obama is projected to be the next President of the United States of America." Shock, bated breath, worry about jinxing the fact that our greatest wish had just been granted. Trevor excitedly demanded that we switch to a real news station. There was no sound from the newscasters on MSNBC. We couldn't see the numbers properly at the top of the screen. Before us was a multiracial sea of tear-streaked faces, people cheering so loudly their voices were one, embracing friends and strangers alike.

We cheered, but were still nervous. We got a noise complaint. We waited. MSNBC announced that John McCain had called Obama personally to concede. I got to break the news to my sister by phone. Finally, around 9:00, we watched John McCain concede more gracefully than I could have imagined in front of a uniformly white crowd of bitterly disappointed supporters. They booed when McCain urged them to support Obama. It was the best speech I've ever heard him give. My father called and told me he loved me and said that this was the most excited he'd been since 1992.

We waited more. Finally, Obama and his wife and children came out on stage. We cheered. The entire world cheered as one. Michelle Obama's dress was amazing. There was bullet-proof glass around the stage. He spoke, and we were silent for a full twenty minutes. Many of us cried. He thanked us. He told us this was our victory. He told us we had a long road ahead. He said he would be the President of those who didn't vote for him, too. He said that he will listen to us, "especially when we disagree." He said, "The new dawn of America is at hand." He promised a new puppy for his daughters. That made me remember that I love him for showing how human he is.

The rest of the evening is a blur. We ate, we drank, we hugged, we sat in shock. We tried to imagine the new world that was before us. We wondered about local elections, about Prop 8 in California. No victory is untarnished. This victory will not solve all of our problems. But it's a sign that we're willing to try to be better.

I have rarely felt that I was present at the brink of history. Certainly not for something so wonderful as this. This morning I did not wake up from a beautiful dream; I woke up to a hopeful reality.

Brave New World

2008-11-04T23:42:00.000-08:00

"You can live in staunch denial and mark me as your enemy,
but I'm just a voice among the throng who want a brighter destiny.
They sing with me:
We are the New America!
This is the New America!"

Bad Religion - "The New America"

I hoped for this day, but I didn't really believe it would come. Today I wake up from an eight-year nightmare to a new day I am only just beginning to imagine. I'm practically giddy; drunk on it all. I don't know what to say or do. But I'm happy, and hopeful. The road ahead will not be easy, but at least now I can believe that things might change for the better.

Ack

2008-11-04T08:44:00.000-08:00

Ohgod. I'm not sure I can make it. Can we fast forward twelve hours?

One Day More

2008-11-03T08:41:00.000-08:00

One Day More
Les Miserables
(selections)

One day more!
Another day, another destiny
The never-ending road to Calvary
One more day before the storm
The time is now, the day is here
One day more!
One more day till revolution
One day more!
One day to a new beginning
Raise the flag of freedom high
There's a new world to be won
Do you hear the people sing?
Tomorrow we'll be far away
Tomorrow is the judgment day
Tomorrow we'll discover
What our God in Heaven has in store
One more dawn
One more day
One day more!

It's a little melodramatic, I know. The atmosphere just feels similar.

Enter November

2008-11-02T11:30:00.000-08:00

NaNoWriMo has officially begun. You may now monitor my progress via the Word War application to your right. I'm really, really happy with the story so far. I surpassed my quota for Day One, and I'm hoping to do so again today and tomorrow so that I'll have a one-day buffer for Election Day, which I will spend either working or drunk, hopefully. As everyone I know keeps saying, we're going to need to drink no matter what the outcome is.

Election Day is two days away. I don't think I can stand it. I'm torn between optimism that things have to turn out right this time, and terror that they'll be screwed up beyond repair. I'm working tomorrow and Tuesday (I've already voted by mail), but we're closing the office on Wednesday so that we can nurse our hangovers. Trevor and I are headed up to Wren and Matt's place after work, which should be fun. I'm looking forward to homemade potato chips and many, many midori sours.

Remember, remember, the fifth of November.
The Fifth of November will be an historic day not only for the Brits this year. The Fifth for us will be the beginning of a new era in America's history. Will we wake up on November 5 to brand new day filled with hope and promise and the belief that we can turn our country around? Or will we wake in despair, knowing that America couldn't save itself from certain downfall. Will we be proud to be Americans again, or will we be contemplating buying plane tickets to Canada or the UK?

Personally, I'm scared to death.

Time to go write some more.

Women Love Abortions

2008-10-30T11:51:00.001-07:00

Stop Teasing Us!

2008-10-26T19:29:00.001-07:00

Give it to me, now!

Bracing Myself

2008-10-24T18:51:00.000-07:00

You may notice that some things around the blog have changed. I have regrettably had to abandon my "I just can't picture myself sleeping with a non-voter" banner because it wouldn't fit right, but I still fully expect all of you to vote! Unless you're voting for John McCain. Then you can stay home.

I had to do all of this blog revamping because Wren had the brilliant idea of incorporating some NaNoWriMo (National Novel-Writing Month) stuff in her blog, and I had to follow suit. I managed to make a little html/div box (on your right) all by myself! All right, Wren helped. But it still rocks. I have a general participant icon that links to the main website for NaNoWriMo, as well as a theoretical book cover for the theoretical book that I will theoretically be writing 50,000 words of during November. I also have a little Word War meter that shows Wren's and my word counts together.

So I'm finally psyched about working on this story again! I've got Word documents made up for each of the thirty days already so I can keep everything meticulously organized, and all of my notes for "Twenty Feet" thus far are in order, though I'm mostly going to try to start again and see where that gets me. I'm all registered and all my information is up on the NaNoWriMo site, so now all I have to do is get up on November 1 and start writing!

Won't you join me?

Fun with Politics

2008-10-21T17:53:00.000-07:00

So because of this whole "Joe the Plumber" debacle, John McCain's website has offered to make personalized rally signs with your name and occupation on one side and "Don't Tax Me for Working Hard" on the other side. Once I saw this, the urge to abuse the online form was irresistible:

A classic:

It's hard times for professional Explorers these days:

And my personal favorite (and tribute to my parents):

Trevor and I also thought of Bob the Builder, Jack the Ripper, and Ichi the Killer. Can you think of any other fun sign opportunities? Have your own fun at John McCain's website!

I wonder what would happen if we actually ordered one of these. I bet Bob the Builder could slip by.

I Love Obama Even More

2008-10-17T08:59:00.000-07:00

Obama is hilarious (for the most part) at the Al Smith Dinner:

Part One:

Part Two:

Dear Senator McCain

2008-10-16T08:46:00.000-07:00

Dear Senator McCain,

1) It's not a "choice" anymore if you remove all alternatives.

2) Downs Syndrome and Autism are not even remotely similar. Unless you count the fact that under your policies, it will be impossible to get affordable treatment for either.

3) No Child Left Behind does not work. Period. You cannot treat schools like small businesses. When you make schools compete, children lose. What's that, Jimmy? You wanted to learn how to play the violin? Too bad, your school doesn't have enough funding to provide a music program because President McCain decided your WASL scores weren't high enough.

4) I'll let the Canadians know that their oil is "fine."

5) Not wanting a massive oil spill or nuclear fallout is not "extreme environmentalism." There's no reason to drill offshore if we have oil under the ground, and nuclear power is not "completely safe"!

If you somehow become President, I'm leaving the country, because in four years, there won't be much of one left to live in. No public services, no health care, no social security, terrible education no jobs, and no regard for the environment. The rest of the world already dislikes and laughs at us. Don't make them pity us.

No love,
A Concerned Citizen

Metaphorical Crisis

2008-10-10T13:35:00.000-07:00

My Dad is an economist. And he is fed up with the crappy analogies and models for the Financial Crisis. So he came up with one of his own to explain the situation to me:

"I got one:
It's like your cardio-vascular system: a hedge fund has just plunged a knife into your carotid artery and now investors are stomping on your abdomen forcing the blood out faster and the Fed is trying to apply pressure while Bush nicely tells the investors to just calm down and stop jumping up and down but because you are anemic due to sub prime mortgage debt you cannot clot.
Is this working for you?"

It's actually a really good analogy, in my humble opinion.
I love my Dad.

RIP Basil

2008-10-06T08:39:00.000-07:00

"Not even a sparrow, worth only half a penny, can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it"

Matthew 10:29

We're going to miss you, little guy. You had a lot more living left to do. I hope the time you did have here was as happy as it seemed. Perhaps you're pea-fishing in Rat Heaven.

VP Debate

2008-10-02T20:22:00.000-07:00

One word: nucular.

Every time she said it I think I lost a significant number of brain cells.

And people love her!

Also, this is awesome:

Yes!

2008-10-02T08:35:00.001-07:00

I Love Olympia

2008-10-01T12:14:00.000-07:00

As I walked to the coffee shop today to get my mid-morning snack of pumpkin bread, I admired what a lovely day it is. A slight haze of clouds keeps the sun from being too bright and the temperature from getting too hot. I was on my way to a locally-owned coffee shop to buy a bagel made by a locally-owned bagel company. Truly Olympian!

As I passed the alley behind my building, I noticed that a teenage boy was standing next to the wall with headphones on, merrily spray-painting graffiti on the wall. How is nobody but me seeing this, I wondered. What gutsy kid is out doing graffiti in the middle of the day? And then I remembered: the wall behind my building is a city-sanctioned official graffiti wall. Anyone is allowed to graffiti there, and when the wall gets too full, the city paints it over in white again so that there will be room for new graffiti. How cool is that?

I love Olympia.

Spiritual Makeover

2008-09-29T08:46:00.000-07:00

Trevor and I have been having a lot of problems with our current church of late, which is a comparatively moderate evangelical church he's been going to since he was like eight years old. I have never been much for evangelism, but I wanted to be with Trevor and some other friends and family who go there, and after my parents converted from Catholicism to Episcopalianism, I wasn't quite sure where I stood on the Christianity scale.

Things were fine at the evangelical church, but after a while the underlying politics began to bother us. It was obvious that most of the congregation were conservative. The fact that the pastor is from Texas did not help that: he is very much a down home Texan Christian with his high school sweetheart as his housewife and two frighteningly timid and obedient children. But that's his choice and if that works for him, fine. He was adamant that politics should not be brought into church: he confronted Trevor for wearing a shirt that said "Who Governs the Government?" on it and pointed him to a Bible passage that tells us not to question our leaders because God puts them in power. Trevor was not happy, but he stopped wearing the shirt. This man believes that the Iraq War is God's will.

After all of that, and the fact that members of my Uncle's family (who also go to that church) told my sister that she was a sinner because she's a lesbian, and all of the blatant conservatism, prejudice, and unwillingness to question the status quo, we were still putting up with this church.

And then things got personal. Trevor drums for the Worship Team, which provides music for the service. He has been doing this for years, and not once has his opinion been taken seriously regarding what type of music they should play, when they should practice, etc. They held a big meeting about where the Team was going, and basically it was a big "Trevor isn't a team player" bitchfest. In addition, the Pastor pulled Trevor aside and expressed his concerns about the fact that Trevor and I are living together and not married. Trevor politely brushed them off, though he was angry. Apparently Trevor's a "role model" in the church, and "the younger young adults look up to him," so he can't be seen to be living in sin.

This put us on our guard, but again, we weren't sure we would leave the church over it. And then my Uncle confronted Trevor over the same thing, though his concern was more personal and less holier-than-thou. Still, it was frustrating. He wants us to get married as soon as possible! Trevor assured him that we intend to get married, but when we're ready, not when someone else says we should be.

And the sermons are boring and no one talks about anything real or does anything in the community or allows for anything to not have an absolute predefined Biblical answer.

So we went to St. John's on Sunday, which is an Episcopal church up the street from our apartment. What a difference! Like night and day. The building itself is beautiful, they had Camp Quiote (a traveling homeless camp) in their parking lot temporarily, the service (music included) was pleasant and everyone seemed very nice. Trevor had some trouble with all of the ceremony and recitation left over from Catholicism, but it wasn't taken nearly so seriously as at a Catholic church.

The best part, though, was the sermon. It was like God had planned for Trevor to be there on that day and for that reading to come up in the calendar and that sermon to be preached to us. It was about questioning authority. The Pastor at our old church told us not to question authority because it is put in place by God. The man who delivered this sermon said that there are three types of authority: intrinsic, gifted, and usurped. For example, God has intrinsic authority: he has authority because he is God. He gifts Jesus with all of his authority. Jesus' authority is also therefore legitimate. But the Pharisees' authority is usurped. It is perfectly reasonable to question usurped authority (including that of Politicians and other earthly authoritators).

Needless to say, Trevor was won over, and I was ecstatic. We are now thinking of moving to St. John's permanently as soon as Trevor can fairly step down from the Worship Team. We're also thinking of writing to the Sermonizer and thanking him. So it was quite the eventful Sunday!

Asshattery

2008-09-25T12:23:00.001-07:00

Boss-related E-Mail Antics

2008-09-24T13:08:00.000-07:00

(Boss asked me if I had finished work from previous day.)

Me: I did all of that! Maybe I don't need you after all!

[Boss 1]: You need me. I'm the senior partner. I control everything.

Me: I don't know if you've ever seen Buffy or Angel, but there's an evil law firm that protects demons and bad people from the law using evil lawyering! The "Senior Partners" are majorly powerful demons! Now I am afraid of you.

[Boss 1]: You are right to fear me. Did you ever see Devil's Advocate, starring Keanu Reaves as a lawyer and Al Pacino as the devil?

Me: Are you saying you're secretly Keanu Reeves? Now I really am scared! Also, I suppose for NaNoWriMo I could just do 50,000 words of freewriting related to the story I'm working on already. Feels like cheating. But what's the point of starting something new if you've got something good going?

[Boss 1]: Exactly. If I do NaNoWriMo, that's what I'm doing. I'll be open about it, but I'm planning to use it to make some progress.

Me: Write an evil story about being evil.

[Boss 1]: Stories aren't evil. People are evil.

Me: Stories can be evil if evil people write them. You de-Manek [Pronounced "Demonic" -- Manek is Boss 1's first name] man.

[Boss 1]: I disagree. For example, Norman Mailer was kind of a jerk. So was Hemingway. And don't even ask about Jane Austen--she was positively malevolent. But their stories aren't evil.

Me: There's a difference between being a jerk and being evil. Brad Pitt wasn't a jerk in "Meet Joe Black," but he was totally evil! Also hot.

[Boss 1]: William Safire says "hot" is no longer cool. Kids these days say "fierce." Have you heard that?

Me: No. But I'm old. Also, I was never cool. I will always say "hot." P.S. Keanu Reeves is totally who is playing you in our feature film, "Outraged on Your Behalf: The Backlund & Mistry Story."

[Boss 1]: He is so fierce. Will it be Keanu from the Matrix? Or the gum-chewing bulked-up cop Keanu from Speed? P.S. I think he's taller than me.

Me: I think Matrix Keanu. In a suit. With long hair and sunglasses. P.S. Everyone's taller than you.

[Boss 1]: Um. I don't think you're taller than me.

Me: I'm not trying to play you in a movie.

[Boss 1]: Touche.

Still Not 100%

2008-09-24T08:42:00.000-07:00

It's amazing what a good night's sleep will do. It probably would've done more if I had been able to fall asleep at 10:30 or 11:00 like I planned instead of 11:30 or 12:00. But I do feel mostly better. Now I just have to get through work, go home, go to the gym, shower, eat dinner, and plan out the rest of my life.

When I say "plan out the rest of my life," I mean that Trevor and I have decided that we're going to try to find time this evening to do some major planning regarding the next 5-10 years. We need to figure out Trevor's projected graduation date, what year we're going to try to enter grad school, where we might go for grad school, when the average application deadline is, what exams we have to take beforehand, how much money we should save up, when it would be most prudent to get married, etc, etc. It's a little daunting, but it has to be done. I've already done some brainstorming and a good amount of research, so hopefully we can take care of some of the basics tonight.

What a weird week so far.

Ingredients for Making a Pre-Lithium Maddo

2008-09-23T09:15:00.000-07:00

A day spent reading or writing
An unsettling social situation
Nostalgia in waves
Insomnia like whoa
Coincidences involving iTunes and iPod shuffle functions

Presto! It's like I'm not even on drugs. Pre-Lithum Maddo might do any of the following:

Tear up when she misses the bus.
Zone out for minutes at a time for no reason.
Be uninterested in anything that's not "deep."
Fixate on things that are "deep."
Resent any minute she's not sleeping, reading, or writing.
Obsessively quote poignant song lyrics.
Feel like every second is a minute, every minute is an hour, etc.

Except this fake Pre-Lithium Maddo still has all those fun side effects of Lithium.

It's gonna be a long day...

Your voice: like the sound of sirens to a house on fire...

The Alkaline Trio - Nose Over Tail

Dunno Why I Love This So Much

2008-09-23T00:26:00.000-07:00

The sky's on fire again.
Run down the alleyway.
Lightning bolts again, we become fireflies
just flashing at the air.
Rattle garbage cans.
Prepare to be ravaged
by our lust burning mad,
the fire that we've become.
And I know you're under me,
but I must confess what's in my head...

Saves the Day - Firefly

I Love My Bosses

2008-09-15T13:23:00.000-07:00

Today was my first paycheck as a full-time employee. This is a big deal for me, because I've never worked full time before (for some reason, spending 60+ hours a week on schoolwork doesn't count). It's also apparently a big deal for my bosses, who haven't had a full-time employee in a very long time. Also they think I'm amazing. So today, to celebrate, they took me out to a nice lunch. An hour of eating on the clock plus a free delicious meal? Hell yeah!

We were going to go to a Japanese steakhouse around here that's really good, but [Boss 2] didn't have time because she had to get back to court, so we went to Mercato (delicious Italian place) instead. Not only did I get my free meal and time out of the office, but they also handed over (along with my paycheck) a $50 bonus check just because they think I've been doing so well, and a stainless steel melon baller.

The melon baller needs explaining: last week, [Boss 2] and I were talking about cantaloupe, and how it tastes best in a fruit salad, especially if you can use a melon baller. I expressed my dismay about not having my own melon baller, and shared my memories of making fruit salad with my father when I was young. Lo and behold, [Boss 2] remembers and gets me a melon baller of my very own! What amazing bosses I have!

For all the griping I do about working full time and and not being very excited about the work I have to do and not having enough free time, I really am blessed to have this job.

In Memoriam

2008-09-11T12:03:00.000-07:00

What happened seven years ago was awful. The feelings we felt then are indescribable. I understand the fear and the sorrow and the patriotism. I do not, however, understand the way this day has been used as a political tool ever since. If I don't give in to nationalistic fervor, then I don't care about what happened on 9/11 or the suffering our troops have endured. If want to end the war, then I don't care about freedom or fighting terrorism in the name of our lost loved ones. I'm disgusted with it. I love this country, and because I love this country, I'm not voting for the party that promotes war and does nothing substantial to keep us safer. I deplore the despicable scare tactics that have been used lately to imply that voting Republican is the only way to protect this nation. Here's how I choose to commemorate today:

"The New America"
Bad Religion

Do you know the cost of future misery?
Have you lost your sense of sustainability?
We are just a step away from realizing what we strive to be,
but we've got to break out from this insulated, blind, and lame senility.

Wake up the new America!
Transcend the mass hysteria.
Change is the thing you're wary of.
We need a new America!

Laurels, human triumph, bestowments from the past--
Victories don't mean a thing if they don't last!
We are just marching toward extinction with blinders on our eyes,
jeopardizing everything we've learned and come to realize! You call that wise?

Open your eyes, America!
See through the lies they tell to us!
Confront the fears that worry us!
We need a new America!

We don't have to be afraid to re-invent.
We've got to start to build, progress, and implement.
For when we take our fill, and never pay the price,
we only build ourselves a fleeting, false paradise.

You can live in staunch denial and mark me as your enemy,
but I'm just a voice among the throng who want a brighter destiny.
They say with me:

We are the new America!
This is the new America!
We are the new America!
This is the new America!

A Light in the Dark World of Pop Culture

2008-09-10T12:25:00.000-07:00

For some reason, when "The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency" is on TV, Trevor and I find ourselves drawn to it. We never get the urge to watch it when it's not on, or record it when we know it'll be on. But for some reason, if it's on TV, we can't look away.

The modeling industry itself frustrates me. I see why it's necessary in our culture, but I'm not sure I like the way it's run or the messages it sends to young people (especially young women) about how they supposedly need to look. I also don't like the way that even the most beautiful models are always photoshopped, etc. Still, the show intrigues me. I think the key is that Trevor and I like to watch attractive, conceited people get yelled.

There's one character on the latest season that I've decided I absolutely adore. His name is Martin and he's deaf. This has been a huge controversy for reasons beyond me. Everyone loves working with him, his interpreter is awesome, and there have been no problems whatsoever on jobs. I like him because he has an amazing sense of humor.

For instance, in last night's episode, all of the models were in an uproar of drama because one of the male models has the personality of a fourteen-year-old. He is one of the most obnoxious people I have ever observed. He kept everyone up half the night by huffing around complaining that the tub was clogged even though there was another bathroom right down the hall he could have used. The next day people were muttering mutinously in small groups about him. Martin and another male model were discussing the issue together:

[Other Model]: "So what do you think of [Obnoxious Model]?"
Martin: (through interpreter) "He's horrible."
[Other Model]: "Really? He even bothers you?"
Martin: *emphatic* "He's so loud even I can hear him!" *snickers*
[Other Model]: *laughs* "That bad, huh?"
Martin: "Oh yeah. He's really obnoxious."
[Other Model]: "Did he keep you up last night, too?"
Martin: "Yeah! I've never met someone who talks that much in my life!"

As a note, Martin is completely deaf. That's why I think it's adorably hilarious.

There is also an interview with him on the website right now asking about his relationships with the other models:

[Interviewer]: "So who do you like best out of the other models?"
Martin: "I really like CC. I think she's amazing. She's not like any other girl I've ever met." *pauses for effect* "If I were straight I would totally ask her out." *grins*

Cynicality

2008-09-09T11:06:00.000-07:00

We just went to the Supreme Court this morning ([Boss 1] and [Boss 2] have only gone to the Supreme Court three times now in their entire careers), and I thought it went really well. [Boss 1] and [Boss 2], however, are convinced despite feeling good about their case that we're going to lose. Why? Because the deck is always stacked against us. It doesn't matter how important the issue is or how easy it would be to fix it or how obnoxious the Prosecutor is being: the Court still doesn't want to change the law if it doesn't have to. Even if this has happened before and it will happen again.

My favorite lines from the proceedings: (Paraphrased because I don't remember the exact wording)

Chief Justice: "Counsel, that sounds like a pretty frightening loophole for the State."
[Boss 2]: "Yes, it does, Your Honor."

Chief Justice: "A cynical person might say that the State could use this kind of procedure to prevent the defendant from having an attorney before the trial begins."
Prosecutor: "Uh... well, that would be a very cynical argument, Your Honor..."

Prosecutor: "Well, if you look at Kistenmacher--"
Justice #6: "I wrote Kistenmacher, Counsel; I don't need you to quote it for me."

Here's a video of the proceedings for those who are interested!

Surviving the Monotony

2008-09-04T08:50:00.000-07:00

I love being able to use chat programs at work.

peter: go now! Nap for justice.
me: sadly, i cannot. the work will not do itself
(that is, until i create a machine / magic spell...)
peter: this is where banging harry potter would come in handy
me: one would hope so
he's not as smart as hermione though
it may be time to resort to hot lesbian sex
for justice, of course
peter: if it must be done, then let it be done
me: is there anything hot lesbian sex can't solve?
peter: God I hope not.

Why Has No One Thought of This Before?

2008-09-02T19:55:00.000-07:00

Trevor is reading Pride and Prejudice. And he has a theory:

"Man, Darcy hasn't been in the story for a while. What's he up to? Is he in London? You know, like, fighting crime? ... Dude! It all makes sense now! The mild-mannered wealthy gentleman Fitzwilliam Darcy secretly fights crime on the streets of London by night as--the Batman!"

And from there it only got worse.

"Think of the similarities! They're both rich and attractive, yet mysteriously unmarried. Their parents are dead. They were both basically raised by servants. They get all the ladies. We should make a chart!"

And worse...

"And Bingley, he's like a weird little fruity dude. He could be Robin!"

"To the Bat-coach!"

And worst:

"Also, if I were a rapper, my name would be Fitzwilly-D."

Also, he's taken to reenacting scenes from P&P after he reads them to make sure he's on the right track. He uses his hands as characters and does squeaky voices. My favorite was the scene where Darcy proposes for the first time: "OMG Elizabeth I love you marry me." "No, I hate you, you made Bingley not marry Jane!" "But I can explain!" "You're the last man I could ever marry!" "Fine I never liked you anyway I'll just write you a letter bitch."

I love him so much. I'll tell him after I stop laughing.

Goodbye Summer

2008-09-01T12:10:00.000-07:00

Today is my last Monday off before full-time work sets in for me permanently. I am not excited about this prospect. I know it sounds pretty lazy of me to whine about a 40-hour week when so many hard-working people have much longer work weeks and don't complain. But there is something about my academic personality that just rails against getting up early and doing the same thing for eight hours a day five days a week. I'm always tired. I'm always bored. And it feels like every moment of my evenings and weekends is spent either cleaning up my house, running errands, or recuperating from my work week. And that's just me working 32 hours a week! With one extra day of work and one fewer day of weekend, how am I going to cope? I'm just not that type of person. I want variety. I want intellectual challenges. I want to be able to sleep in or nap every once in a while. I care about our work and I care about our clients, but I wish that didn't mean being at the office at 8:30 every day and leaving at 5:00 and feeling guilty about leaving early or taking a day off because I'm sick. I need to get my rats spayed--when am I going to have a Tuesday where I can go to Tacoma and do that? And Wren, Matt, Daryl, et al are all going back to school, to an intense graduate program. How many Saturdays will I actually be able to devote to going to Tacoma to see them? And will I really be able to make it up to watch Heroes at Comic House on Mondays? Ugh. No wonder people have mid-life crises.

You Have Cholera!

2008-08-28T12:25:00.000-07:00

I have Cholera. Okay, not really. I have a stomach flu that resembles Cholera's wimpy kid sister. But it still packs a punch.

Is it morbid to count how many times you throw up?

Trevor had this flu two days ago, so I figured if he didn't have food poisoning, then I'd be getting it sooner or later.

Apparently there is a story behind this flu. One of Trevor's friends got married on Saturday. Trevor didn't go to the wedding, but he dropped in at the reception to wish the couple well. There were some kegs and Trevor had a drink. What no one else knew at the time was that earlier that evening, some asshole who had the flu had done a keg stand on the very keg Trevor drank from. Now, 35+ wedding guests and now everyone they come in contact with have a horrible stomach flu. One guest was hospitalized for a dangerously high fever. Luckily, the bride and groom were spared because they were too busy to drink, and the honeymoon has not been ruined.

My comment to Trevor: "That was a very expensive free drink, sweetie."

And now I am home at least for all of today, possibly for some or all of tomorrow. I am subsisting on crackers and water until further notice.

Serious Business

2008-08-27T16:29:00.000-07:00

(E-mail convo with [Boss 1])

[Boss 1]: I need a good name for a donut store. I'd like to have a science fiction theme, but, you know, I'm open to other ideas too.

[Me]: Well, if it's a science fiction theme then definitely "Black Hole Donuts" or "A Hole Universe" or "Wormhole Donuts." The possibilities are endless!

[Boss 1]: Those are excellent suggestions. Maybe I'll just start by cooking some up in my basement.
[Boss 1]: You know, like a donut lab. A clandestine donut lab.

[Me]: Those are the best kind.
[Me]: P. S. Just name the shop "Donut Lab." I would say "Clandestine Donut Lab," but that sounds more like a name for your new rock band!

[Boss 1]: I think I probably won't have a name for it. That way, it'll be even more clandestine.

[Me:] Touché.

*(after a pause in e-mailing)*

[Boss 1]: I'm pretty hungry for a donut now. Or another form of baked good. Maybe someone's having a bake sale somewhere.

I Love Barack Obama

2008-08-25T23:26:00.000-07:00

Barack Obama's comment after Michelle Obama addressed the Democratic National Convention:

"Now you know why I asked her out so many times even though she said no. You want a persistent President! *gleeful smug grin*"

Also, Joe Biden made this amazing face when Michelle Obama complimented him in her speech. I now have full confidence in him.

Pillow Talk

2008-08-24T00:35:00.000-07:00

Trevor: "Hm. Now I think this is some deep-seated issue that's just surfacing."
Me: "Oh, yeah. This well runs keep. Keep drillin'. There's a gold mine. Of mixed metaphors."
Trevor: *cannot speak for laughing*

I am Not a Secretary

2008-08-21T10:40:00.000-07:00

I just had the following conversation with my boss on the phone:

Me: "Hey, [Boss 2], Julie from [Law Firm] just called wanting to confirm your lunch date with [Julie's boss]. And she wants to know if you can meet at 11:30." *hoity-toity voice*
[Boss 2]: *groans* "Oh, good lord. You know, [Julie's boss] is just a regular lawyer with an assistant like me." *ahem, hoity-toity voice* "Well, can you please call back Julie and inform her that I am confirming my lunch appointment with [Julie's boss] and--" *drops to normal voice* "Okay, I'm just kidding, you don't have to call her back. I can make my own phone calls about lunch."
Me: "Oh, thank God. See you later!"

Birth Month Thingie

2008-08-19T18:27:00.001-07:00

Stolen from LJ.

RULES:
_ Pick your birth month. (check)
_ Strike out anything that doesn't apply to you. (check)
_ Bold (or italicize) the five-ten that best apply to you. (check)
_ ~~Copy to your own journal, with all twelve months under a lj-cut.~~ I'll find you the other months if you want them.
_ ~~Tag 5 people from your friends list.~~

(Red indicates what I hope people think about me).

DECEMBER: Loyal and generous. Sexy. ~~Patriotic.~~ ~~Active in games and interactions.~~ Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. ~~Influential in organizations.~~ Fun to be with. ~~Loves to socialize.~~ Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. ~~Short tempered.~~ ~~Changing personality.~~ Not egotistic. Take high pride in oneself. ~~Hates restrictions.~~ Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.

Redefining "Me"

2008-08-18T22:04:00.000-07:00

I need to figure out which parts of who I used to be were the Bipolar II or Cyclothymia or whatever and which parts were really me, so that I can tell whether the Lithium has taken away those parts and left me as the "correct" version of myself, or if it's not working. Part of me wants to blame all of my faults on the disorder, and if the Lithium really is working, then I can't do that. How do "normal" people feel? Explain to me the difference between happiness and mania; between being down and being depressed. I know that in the end it's just something I'll have to figure out. It's just hard on days when the only word I can use to describe how I feel is "weird."

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

2008-08-14T14:38:00.001-07:00

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26205933/

WHY?!

Argh!

Hate.

PA's Got the Right Idea

2008-08-13T09:09:00.000-07:00

I foresee similar conversations with my friends about our children in the future. Maybe these kinds of discussions will help me get inspiration for my werewolf story.

Conflicted

2008-08-12T09:29:00.001-07:00

I love living with Trevor.
I miss my housemates.
I love my bosses.
I miss my coworkers.
I like my job.
I miss school.
I like having enough money.
I miss being up after midnight and still getting enough sleep.
I like having a steady schedule.
I miss naps.
I like not having homework.
I miss reading all the time.
I love my apartment.
I miss Comic House.
I love Writers' Group and Coffee Night.
I miss Heroes Night and even Chore Days.
I love eating out.
I miss Wren's cooking and even the SUB.
I love having time to write and play video games.
I miss cramming an episode of a TV show between study sessions.
I like the present.
I miss the past.

Revelation

2008-08-07T19:30:00.001-07:00

I have figured out the secret to every football strategy.

1. Win.
2. Don't Lose.
3. Repeat.

Everything is so clear now!

We're all Mad here...

Sheesh!

Spinning My Wheels

In Memoriam

Not a Perfect Simile

It's Official!

Predictably

I Wish

Just Another Morning at the Law Firm

Of Crime and Time

Gotta Love Gmail

You Can't Write This Stuff

I'm Okay

Something's Gotta Give

The Time Traveler's Wife

Wedding Version 1.1

Done Moping (For Now)

Wedding Hiccup #1

Wedding Version 1.0

The One Ring

Wow!

My Day Thus Far

Ugh

Mother's Day

Is It July Yet?

Good Friday

Just Another Day at the Office

The Times They Are A-Changin'

I Get By With a Little Help from My Friends

Eyes on the Future, Heart in My Throat

Yes!

Ash Wednesday

V

Wii Bought a Wii

Made for Each Other

The Enemy of My Enemy...

Two Words:

New Addition

Look Alive

I am the Man

Dear Wren

Ugh

Recluse

Favorite "Spirit" Quotes

For Wren

Making the Best of It

To Do Before Sunday

Observational Skills

Winter Wonderland

In Memoriam

Wow

Hell Yes!

Note to Self

Christmas Spirit

Everything I Need to Know About Love I Learned From "Twilight"

Eyes Toward the Future, Heart in My Throat

Wow

I am Amazing

The Reef! The Reef! The Reef is on Fire!

Ohgod

Ramblings

More Work Antics

Where Was I?

Brave New World

Ack

One Day More

Enter November

Women *Love* Abortions

Stop Teasing Us!

Bracing Myself

Fun with Politics

I Love Obama Even More

Dear Senator McCain

Metaphorical Crisis

RIP Basil

VP Debate

Yes!

I Love Olympia

Spiritual Makeover

Asshattery

Women Love Abortions